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The bar charts compare the differences in the proportion of carbohydrates, protein, and fat in 3 diets namely average diet, healthy diet and healthy diet for sport. v.1

The bar charts compare the differences in the proportion of carbohydrates, protein, and fat in 3 diets namely average diet, healthy diet and healthy diet for sport. v. 1
Recently, an argument as to whether community work such as free will and the likes should be made mandatory as one of college courses was raised. In my opinion, I agree that unpaid community work should not be made compulsory rather it should be voluntary. One of the reasons why community service should not be made voluntarily is because government are not always responsible for the needs of high school students. Most of these people at the high college requires financial support in order to excel in their studies which they do not get all from their parents. The only visible way to get this done is to involve themselves in some of these activities where they get some little money to support themselves in their schooling. Therefore, making those work compulsory will mean an end to their source of survival. Moreover, compliance with community work when made compulsory may amount to unsatisfactory results. This is because the majority of people will not take it seriously has, it is not what they have passion for. Voluntary services is something that should come from the heart. Through Research, it was discovered that, there are tendencies of not doing something well because it does not come from your heart. Meanwhile, what is worth doing is worth doing well. In conclusion, community service should not be made compulsory because many students will be left to look for alternative means of living while they carry out the job without any interest of doing such.
Recently, an argument
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
such as free will and the likes should
be made
mandatory as one of college courses
was raised
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should not
be made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
rather
it should be voluntary.

One of the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service should not
be made
voluntarily
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
are not always responsible for the needs of high school students. Most of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at the high college requires financial support in order to excel in their studies which they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all from their parents. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
visible way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this done is to involve themselves in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these activities where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
money to support themselves in their schooling.
Therefore
, making those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
will mean an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
to their source of survival.

Moreover
, compliance with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
when made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
may amount to unsatisfactory results. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will not take it
seriously
has, it is not what they have passion for. Voluntary services is something that should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the heart. Through Research, it
was discovered
that, there are tendencies of not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
something well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from your heart. Meanwhile, what is worth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
is worth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
well.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service should not
be made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to look for alternative means of living while they carry out the job without any interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
such.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar charts compare the differences in the proportion of carbohydrates, protein, and fat in 3 diets namely average diet, healthy diet and healthy diet for sport. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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