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Some people think that the government should pay one of the parents of very young children to stay at home to look after their children. What do you think would be the advantages and disadvantages of this policy? v.1

Some people think that the government should pay one of the parents of very young children to stay at home to look after their children. What do you think would be the advantages and disadvantages of this policy? v. 1
There is a school of thought that the government should compensate one of the parents to stay at home and take care of their young ones. I believe that this policy has both advantages and disadvantages. To begin with, let us talk about the requirement of infants. At a very early age, when children are growing, they learn a lot from their parents. Early ages of life are the most important for learning and parents are the best persons to provide that guidance. Children at this stage need physical and emotional caring which can only happen if the parent is present to provide it. It would not be wrong to say that toddlers are like soft sands and takes the shape they are given. Correct shape and values can only be given by parents. Moreover, for security reasons also, at least one of the parents must be there with the kids. According to a report published by the Times of India, among the child accident cases at home, 80% were of infants whose both parents were working. Now for some parents it is not possible to stop working because of financial problem. Thus, government playing a role by paying some compensation would really be advantageous. On the flip side, this policy might create a negative impact too. People might become lazy. Thus, government might send a negative message to the society. People might start spending such grants for their own luxury rather than spending it on their children. Not only that, even some people who actually have the calibre to excel in their career might stop working and it would result in the wastage of good talent. Moreover, government will have to allocate huge funds for this expenditure which could have been used in a better way elsewhere. Thus, in a way it will be an economic blow to the country. To sum up, it can be said that every coin has two sides and similarly government help in terms of money to one of the parents of young children might be both advantageous and disadvantageous.
There is a school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should compensate one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to stay at home and take care of their young ones. I believe that this policy has both advantages and disadvantages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us talk about the requirement of infants. At a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are growing, they learn a lot from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Early ages of life are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for learning and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the best persons to provide that guidance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
at this stage need physical and emotional caring which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
happen if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
is present to provide it. It would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to say that toddlers are like soft sands and takes the shape they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
. Correct shape and values can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Moreover
, for security reasons
also
, at least one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be there with the kids. According to a report published by
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
the Times of India
, among the child accident cases at home, 80% were of infants
Did you mean "who's"?
whose
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were working.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
it is not possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of financial problem.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
playing a role by paying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
compensation would
really
be advantageous.

On the flip side, this policy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact too.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
become lazy.
Thus
,
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government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
message to the society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
spending such grants for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
luxury
rather
than spending it on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who actually have the
Possible spelling mistake. 'calibre' is British English.
calibre
to excel in their career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working and it would result in the wastage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
talent.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
allocate huge funds for this expenditure which could have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in a better way elsewhere.
Thus
, in a way it will be an economic blow to the country.

To sum up, it can
be said
that every coin has two sides and
similarly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in terms of money to one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be both advantageous and disadvantageous.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should pay one of the parents of very young children to stay at home to look after their children. What do you think would be the advantages and disadvantages of this policy? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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