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Some people think that managerial posts in private companies and in government are more suitable for men. Others think that given the opportunity women can be successful managers. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that managerial posts in private companies and in government are more suitable for men. Others think that given the opportunity women can be successful managers. v. 2
Women are gaining more and more rights everyday and have been since the 1990's. Nowadays the formed question is asked: "Are men more suitable for managerial posts and in private companies? '' I shall exchange views about this highly controversial topic and will attempt to draw out a conclusion on it. Firstly, let's start with men. I strongly believe that men make better managers than women. I am not stating that men are better than women in every aspect, but with relation to managerial tasks, men have an upper hand as compared to women. I would like to delineate my viewpoint through science. Scientifically, men prove to be emotionally stronger than women, and managing a job without permitting emotional weaknesses to intervene is easier for a man than a woman. Moreover, we shall take a look at some statistics for a further measure. Globally, only 3. 5 percent of the women have been in a leadership and managerial position. Why? If women were better as managers than men then why would statistics prove otherwise? Men have succeeded and persisted as better managers. Now, the opposite gender will be discussed. Women possess the skill of multi-tasking which men usually lack. Multi-tasking not only speeds up the work and renders them time efficient, but also leads to a superior outcome. Other than multi-tasking, which would undoubtedly play to their strengths in a professional domain, they can be tagged as better managers even on the basis of their organizational skills. It is believed that women are most systematic and organized in their work while men in general have a rather chaotic and a nonchalant approach. Additionally, They are more sympathetic and possess a better understanding of human nature because of which they treat their employees well and offer encouragement instead of adopting a cold, “I am the boss” approach. Who is a Better Manager is a debatable question itself, but one fact remains constant who ever reflects managerial skills in best possible way will be better manager irrespective of gender; which men seem to have leading data in.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
are gaining more and more rights
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
and have been since the
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1990s".
1990's
. Nowadays the formed question
is asked
:
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
more suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managerial
posts and in private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
? '' I shall exchange views about this
highly
controversial topic and will attempt to draw out a conclusion on it.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. I am not stating that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in every aspect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with relation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managerial
tasks,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
have an upper hand as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
would like to delineate my viewpoint through science.
Scientifically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
prove to be
emotionally
stronger than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, and managing a job without permitting emotional weaknesses to intervene is easier for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
than a woman.
Moreover
, we shall take a look at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
statistics for a
further
measure. Globally,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3. 5 percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have been in a leadership and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managerial
position. Why? If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
then why would statistics prove
otherwise
?
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
have succeeded and persisted as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
managers.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, the opposite gender will
be discussed
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
possess the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of multi-tasking which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
usually
lack. Multi-tasking not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
speeds up
the work and renders them time efficient,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
leads to a superior outcome. Other than multi-tasking, which would
undoubtedly
play to their strengths in a professional domain, they can
be tagged
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
even on the basis of their organizational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are most systematic and organized in their work while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in general
have a
rather
chaotic and a nonchalant approach.
Additionally
, They are more sympathetic and possess a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
understanding of human nature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which they treat their employees well and offer encouragement
instead
of adopting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
, “I am the boss” approach.

Who is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Manager
is a debatable question itself,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one fact remains constant who ever reflects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managerial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the best".
in best
possible way will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
irrespective of gender; which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
seem to have leading data in.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that managerial posts in private companies and in government are more suitable for men. Others think that given the opportunity women can be successful managers. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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