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The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. v.7

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. v. 7
The society in which we are living has growing trend to watch movies and television programs. People seek enjoyment and relaxation by observing electronic media. In my opinion, Government should check the level of violence in movies and other electronic media programs because every scene puts some imprints in the brain. These pictures stay in memories and give impact on personality. Violence has multiple impacts on human psychology. Kids choose to get guns and pistols in the form of toys after watching violence on media screen. Some young boys seek pleasure by copying this sort of crimes in real life being impressed by their heroes. Middle aged ladies become frightened while thinking of their family members living in this society that is having an unusual show of violent episodes. Old guys become depressed after observing brutal clips on the cinema screen. On the other hand, some portion of viewers has a propensity to enjoy and relaxation after seeing episodes of thrill and war. Clips without violence are not palatable to them.   The majority of these people are mature enough, they don’t copy this stuff in their real life. They watch the movies, make their brain relaxed and then forget the events. In short, Government should make strict policy to control the activity of media. Violent episodes may be there but only for the sake of the thrill. The lesson of the story should be very constructive and informative.
The society in which we are living has growing trend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies and television programs.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
seek enjoyment and relaxation by observing electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the level of violence in movies and other electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
programs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every scene puts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
imprints in the brain. These pictures stay in memories and give impact on personality.

Violence has multiple impacts on human psychology. Kids choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
guns and pistols in the form of toys after watching violence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
screen.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
young boys seek pleasure by copying this sort of crimes in real life
being impressed
by their heroes.
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Middle aged
ladies become frightened while thinking of their family members living in this society
that is
having an unusual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
of violent episodes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
guys become depressed after observing brutal clips on the cinema screen.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
portion of viewers has a propensity to enjoy and relaxation after seeing episodes of thrill and war. Clips without violence are not palatable to them.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
The majority of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, they don’t copy this stuff in their real life. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the movies,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their brain relaxed and then forget the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

In short,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strict policy to control the activity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. Violent episodes may be there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the sake of the thrill. The lesson of the story should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
constructive and informative.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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