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The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. v. 1
Films and TV programmes today are filled with violence and as a result violence is increasing in our societies. I agree that censoring such programmes and films, some amount of violence can be decreased. In the following paragraphs, I shall put forth my arguments to support my views. Reducing the amount of violence on TV and in the cinema would certainly be a good start to decrease violence among people. It is a well known fact that the media possesses a lot of power to influence people. So, those in the media must be judicious about delivering news in a balanced manner that brings the story to the consumer without showing too much violence. Journalism is a profession like any other and certain standards of quality and professionalism need to be maintained. There are many harmful effects of such programmes on the individuals and society. The most disturbing effect is on the children and youth. Media violence can stimulate fear in some children as it frightens them, making the effects long lasting. This can become traumatic in our children as they see it more and more. Children are starting to grow and are shaping their personality, values and beliefs. They can become aggressive or they can lose a sense of reality and fiction of what they are seeing. Moreover, young people imitate what they see and it is logical that they see glamour in what they do when they commit violence. Consequently, the society suffers as the streets are full of violence. Finally, too much portrayal of these also leads to immunity among the people and they are not affected by the disasters any more. Disasters like Tsunami and earthquakes don’t make people shed a tear any more. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, having a check on the violence in TV programmes and films, would certainly be a good start to decrease the violence and crime in society.
Films and TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are filled
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and
as a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is increasing in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that censoring such
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and films,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
can
be decreased
. In the following paragraphs, I shall put forth my arguments to support my views.

Reducing the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on TV and in the cinema would
certainly
be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is a well known fact that the media possesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
power to influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, those in the media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be judicious about delivering news in a balanced manner that brings the story to the consumer without showing too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. Journalism is a profession like any other and certain standards of quality and professionalism need to
be maintained
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
harmful effects of such
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
on the individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. The most disturbing effect is on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and youth. Media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
can stimulate fear in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as it frightens them, making the effects
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
. This can become traumatic in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it more and more.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are starting to grow and are shaping their personality, values and beliefs. They can become
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
aggressive or
they can lose a sense of reality and fiction of what they are seeing.

Moreover
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
imitate what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and it is logical that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
glamour in what they do when they commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
suffers as the streets are full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
.
Finally
, too much portrayal of these
also
leads to immunity among the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the disasters
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
. Disasters like Tsunami and earthquakes don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
shed a tear
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
.

To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and films, would
certainly
be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and crime in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
324 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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