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Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. v.4

Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. v. 4
It is a common issue to cope with wrongdoers in society and how to redesign the existing prison system is argued by several groups of people. Some people suggest that we may provide training and work for them to adjust their behaviour and I partially agree with it. First of all, it is a positive method to encourage wrongdoers and train them to live in normal life. Also, it will stimulate their ability and mind to rehabilitate and even adjust their attitude. In this case, a friendly environment is well set and it may wholly affect their lives for a long time. Second, society may take advantage of the period of training and studying which may result in reducing the rate of crime committing. Education is the root cause of such problems and that will be a wonderful chance to deal with it. However, this policy may not have benefits on the convicts who had committed a serious and unforgivable crime. The convicts who are in jail and taken away from their basic human right deserve their sin. And they are not capable of any treatment and scheme like these which are seen as enjoyment to taxpayers or even a victim. With such concern, I suggest that it should be planned with a clear level of crime system to evaluate their crime. Thus, different levels will give degrees of tasks and works and also eliminate citizens' doubt and worry. In conclusion, it is a controversial issue to consider a new and simple change of existing prison system. In my opinion, given the level crime of the system and apply to the scheme, it will be better and has positive and certain influence in both society and wrongdoers.
It is a common issue to cope with wrongdoers in society and how to redesign the existing prison
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is argued
by several groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that we may provide training and work for them to adjust their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
method to encourage wrongdoers and train them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in normal life.
Also
, it will stimulate their ability and mind to rehabilitate and even adjust their attitude.
In this case
, a friendly environment is well set and it may wholly affect their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for a long time. Second, society may take advantage of the period of training and studying which may result in reducing the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
committing. Education is the root cause of such problems and that will be a wonderful chance to deal with it.

However
, this policy may not have benefits on the convicts who had committed a serious and unforgivable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. The convicts who are in jail and taken away from their basic human right deserve their sin. And they are not capable of any treatment and scheme like these which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as enjoyment to taxpayers or even a victim. With such concern, I suggest that it should
be planned
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
to evaluate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
levels will give degrees of tasks and works and
also
eliminate citizens' doubt and worry.

In conclusion
, it is a controversial issue to consider a new and simple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of existing prison
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
and apply to the scheme, it will be better and has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and certain influence in both society and wrongdoers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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