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The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.6

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. v. 6
Violence in movies and television has always been a pressing issue for most countries. Some people claim that the government should regulate the amount of disturbance in films and on TV to reduce the rate of crime in society. I agree that it would undoubtedly be easier to garner support for such a move, but solely adopting such a policy will do little to effect social change. People criticize violence in cinema for various reasons. First and foremost, they think that it influences the mental state of the children. Kids try to imitate the same behaviour they see in movies and TV. For example, the heroes in films or TV receive rewards for using violence to solve a situation. Therefore, children might believe that this is the right way to solve problems related to their everyday life. As a result of that, they indulge in various problematic situations. On the other hand, there are a large number of movies and television series that contain violence, but still got much appreciated in society because they have so much substance, and offer some very important life lessons. For instance, The godfather, is considered as the one of the greatest movies of all time. Although, The movie is an entertaining gangster saga, but it is also a story about power, family, and capitalism. It has so much substance, and it offers some very important life lessons. In conclusion, showing violence in movies and on television is not completely responsible for crime in society. So, I believe that the government should take other measures such as gun and drug control laws to regulate and monitor violent contents in television and movies to reduce the crime rates.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Violence
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has always been a pressing issue for most countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should regulate the amount of disturbance in films and on TV to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of crime in society. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it would
undoubtedly
be easier to garner support for such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
solely
adopting such a policy will do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to effect social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
criticize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in cinema for various reasons.
First
and foremost, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it influences the mental state of the children. Kids try to imitate the same
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV.
For example
, the heroes in films or TV receive rewards for using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
to solve a situation.
Therefore
, children might believe that this is the right way to solve problems related to their everyday life.
As a result
of that, they indulge in various problematic situations.

On the other hand
, there are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
series that contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
much appreciated in society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much substance, and offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
life lessons.
For instance
, The godfather,
is considered
as the one of the greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
of all time. Although, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
is an entertaining gangster saga,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
also
a story about power, family, and capitalism. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much substance, and it offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
life lessons.

In conclusion
, showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is not completely responsible for crime in society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take other measures such as gun and drug control laws to regulate and monitor violent contents in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the crime rates.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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