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Some people think that work is the most important thing of people’s life. Without the success of career, life become meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words. v.4

Some people think that work is the most important thing of people’s life. Without the success of career, life become meaningless. v. 4
In this world, having a work with better pay is vital to the living. Some people argue that without a successful profession, a person's career is not complete. I completed agree this statement and the following essay state points to support my opinion. Firstly, we need money to run a family. If we have a good work with a better payment then we can lead the family without financial struggles. Additionally, performing well in the field leads to promotion with salary hike. Hence, we can spend more budget for the family. This makes the individual's life successful. For example, in Kerala, there is a survey conducted by the authorities among the older parents, reveals that they are happy with their children who earns more and are in a good company in the society. Secondly, having a decent job in an area where the individual likes making them happier and satisfied. A task without a satisfaction lead to stress and depression. Moreover, in such situation, youngsters cannot find a meaning for their life. They do a job to get the salary to run the family and to get a position in the society. For instance, most of the workers in IT field are not facing motivated because of the un-interest towards the work and pressure from the management. In conclusion, in my opinion, having a job with good pay and satisfaction makes an individual's life worth and relaxed. Without those things, youngsters feel ignored by the loved ones and depressed in their career.
In this world, having a work with better pay is vital to the living.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that without a successful profession, a person's career is not complete. I completed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this statement and the following essay state points to support my opinion.

Firstly
, we need money to run a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. If we have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
work with a better payment then we can lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
without financial struggles.
Additionally
, performing well in the field leads to promotion with salary hike.
Hence
, we can spend more budget for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the individual's life successful.
For example
, in Kerala, there is a survey conducted by the authorities among the older parents, reveals that they are happy with their children who
Did you mean "earn"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'children' should be used.
earns
more and are in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in the society.

Secondly
, having a decent job in an area where the individual likes making them happier and satisfied. A task without a satisfaction lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression.
Moreover
, in such situation, youngsters cannot find a meaning for their life. They do a job to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the salary to run the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a position
The usual preposition for "get a position" is "with" for an organization. Revise: "with the society".
in the society
.
For instance
, most of the workers in IT field are not facing motivated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-interest
towards the work and pressure from the management.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, having a job with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
pay and satisfaction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an individual's life worth and relaxed. Without those things, youngsters feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones and depressed in their career.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people think that work is the most important thing of people’s life. Without the success of career, life become meaningless. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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