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ome people think that government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.2

ome people think that government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be spent elsewhere. v. 2
It is considered by some that spending money on the arts is of no use, so government should allocate its fund on other sectors. Although other sectors such as healthcare and transportation need more money, but not in the cost of arts, which is very important. In this essay I will explain in detail that why money should be spent on the arts. Firstly, the arts is considered a national interest. In Some countries, arts have significant importance and government establish and maintain organization which preserve the arts. Such as Canada, Australia and United Kingdom have museums all over the country. If someone is interested, he can visit these museums free of cost. Maintenance expenses of those museums are taken care by the government. Additionally, it will increase the level of interest among the people. Thus, the government puts great effort for preservation of arts in the form of exhibitions, crafts, and museums. Secondly, the arts are a great form of entertainment. Such as movies, craft and exhibition driven from the arts. Movies considered very lucrative and there is a film industry in different languages. For instance, Hollywood for English, Bollywood for Hindi and Lollywood for Urdu. Exhibitions and crafts show different kind of arts such as painting, paper clay and glass painting. Therefore, government should encourage arts for the amusement of the people. In conclusion, the arts are worth every penny which is spent on the arts. The Government should back the arts for the well-being of society, because it is national interest and great form of entertainment for the people. The arts should be financed properly, but not on the sake of other important sectors, such as health care and transportation.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that spending money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is of no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate its fund on other sectors. Although other sectors such as healthcare and transportation need more money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not in the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. In this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in detail that why money should
be spent
on the arts.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is considered
a national interest. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
have significant importance and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
establish and maintain organization which preserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. Such as Canada, Australia and United Kingdom have museums all over the country. If someone
is interested
, he can visit these museums free of cost. Maintenance expenses of those museums
are taken
care by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
Additionally
, it will increase the level of interest among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
puts great effort for preservation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
in the form of exhibitions, crafts, and museums.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are a great form of entertainment. Such as movies, craft and exhibition driven from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. Movies considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lucrative and there is a film industry in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
languages.
For instance
, Hollywood for English, Bollywood for Hindi and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lollywood
for Urdu. Exhibitions and crafts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
such as painting, paper clay and glass painting.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
for the amusement of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are worth every penny which
is spent
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should back the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
for the well-being of society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is national interest and great form of entertainment for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should
be financed
properly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not on the sake of other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
sectors, such as health care and transportation.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay ome people think that government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be spent elsewhere. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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