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The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. v. 5
Violence is the act of inflicting harm on another which may be for the sole purpose of retaliation. This act could be carried out on either a child, an adult or an old person. I am of the opinion that the state authorities ought to regulate the number of violence on video clips and televisions so as to mitigate injurious crimes done in the society. First, is to encourage togetherness and love for one another. To illustrate this, the United Nations as an NGO uses all forms of social media to sensitize individuals and states to refrain from war. Government should replace violent scenes on the national television with the scenes that depicts peace and unity among people. Organizing seminars and symposium concentrating on the importance of peace while making reference to the consequences of war and injurious acts done in the society. However, displaying peaceful sign post on the streets and major roads could also be a ways discouraging intended deviants from engaging in such harmful acts. Furthermore, the state authorities can also control violence in films by making rules regulating the type of information that is open to viewers. An example is the Nigerian publication rules which were made to regulate the content of all articles to be published within Nigeria regardless of whether it is privately owned or belonging to the state. Another way of mitigating violent scenes is by levying heavy tax on movies that enhances and supports criminal acts. Producers and purchasers of such who have refused to heed to subtle warnings will be faced with the consequence of paying ten times higher the normal amount expected. In addition to this, the government can also make rules. Finally, it is the sole responsibility of the government to regulate crimes within its territory by deploying reasonable means and measures while uplifting unity and love. Therefore, it is clear that a country's administrative authorities is expected to regulate the number of criminal acts visually displayed in order to reduce violent acts within its territory. After thorough analysis of this essay, it is recommended that crimes can be controlled by the executive power of a nation.
Violence is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
of inflicting harm on another which may be for the sole purpose of retaliation. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
could
be carried
out on either a child, an adult or an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
person. I am of the opinion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
authorities ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulate
the number of violence on video clips and televisions
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
mitigate injurious crimes done in the society.

First
, is to encourage togetherness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for one another. To illustrate this, the United Nations as an NGO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
all forms of social media to sensitize individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
to refrain from war.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should replace violent scenes on the national television with the scenes that depicts peace and unity among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Organizing seminars and symposium concentrating on the importance of peace while making reference to the consequences of war and injurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
done in the society.
However
, displaying peaceful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
post on the streets and major roads could
also
be a ways discouraging intended deviants from engaging in such harmful acts.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
authorities can
also
control violence in films by making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
regulating the type of information
that is
open to viewers. An example is the Nigerian publication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
which
were made
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulate
the content of all articles to
be published
within Nigeria regardless of whether it is
privately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
or belonging to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
. Another way of mitigating violent scenes is by levying heavy tax on movies that enhances and supports criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
. Producers and purchasers of such who have refused to heed to subtle warnings will
be faced
with the consequence of paying ten times higher the normal amount
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
In addition
to this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.

Finally
, it is the sole responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulate
crimes within its territory by deploying reasonable means and measures while uplifting unity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that a country's administrative authorities is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulate
the number of criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
visually
displayed in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
within its territory. After thorough analysis of this essay, it
is recommended
that crimes can
be controlled
by the executive power of a nation.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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