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Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. v. 3
Nowadays, a group of people, argue that women are equally important as men and can perform well in the field of the defence system. In my opinion, this is a positive thinking and women are able to handle the task better. The following essay state points to support my views. Firstly, in this modern world, everyone is getting equal qualifications and skill trainings, which were not in the previous era. As a result, women are getting good knowledge and the updates about the social changes. Furthermore, they are even participating in the sports activities from the childhood, which in turn, increase their physical stamina. By considering this, we can say that there will not be any negative impact to the country if we select leaders in the country's major field. For example, in India, special trainings are there for the ladies, who wish to join the defence field. This encourages and help them to perform well in the task. Secondly, it has been observed that, females have more capacity to bear the pain and the emotions than the men. Hence, they can stand as strong, even in the critical situations like a war, fight or political issue. For instance, in a survey conducted in Kerala by the state authority, reveals that women can analyse a situation without mixing their emotions and can take better decision. In conclusion, in my opinion, in the recent years women has changed a lot in all aspects like literacy, emotional handlings, physical strength. By understanding their power, it is good to consider them in the areas like navy, army and the air force.
Nowadays, a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "argues".
argue
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and can perform well in the field of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
system. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thinking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are able to handle the task better. The following essay state points to support my views.

Firstly
, in this modern world, everyone is getting equal qualifications and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
trainings, which were not in the previous era.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
knowledge and the updates about the social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
Furthermore
, they are even participating in the sports activities from the childhood, which in turn, increase their physical stamina. By considering this, we can say that there will not be any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact to the country if we select leaders in the country's major field.
For example
, in India, special trainings are there for the ladies, who wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
field. This encourages and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to perform well in the task.

Secondly
, it has
been observed
that, females have more capacity to bear the pain and the emotions than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
Hence
, they can stand as strong, even in the critical situations like a war, fight or political issue.
For instance
, in a survey conducted in Kerala by the state authority, reveals that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
a situation without mixing their emotions and can take better decision.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, in the recent years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a lot in all aspects like literacy, emotional
Possible spelling mistake found.
handlings
, physical strength. By understanding their power, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to consider them in the areas like navy, army and the air force.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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