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In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Some governments indeed encourage companies to transfer from urban to local outlying areas. In my opinion, the advantages of this trend outweigh its drawbacks. Admittedly, there are enormous disadvantages of shifting businesses to rural areas. One of them is the shortage of highly skilled and educated workers. There is no doubt that every qualified employee wants to settle down in the big cities to raise their standards, and they will not be ready to start their career in these areas. As a result, companies will not have dedicated employees who might hurt their profitabilities. For example, A survey carried out by The Tribune newspaper reveals that 80% of industries are shutting down in regional areas because they are not earning enough to meet their daily expenditures. Despite the downsides, I believe that the benefits of setting up a business in rural regions outweigh the drawbacks. The main reason is that there is more spacious land available which can be taken on rent by paying a very less amount. In this way they can save their money which can be invested for expanding their business. In addition to this, more job opportunities will be available to those who are living in these areas, which helps in the developing country's overall growth. For instance, China is growing at a high note because, in this country, most of the industries are set up in the countryside areas and providing more job opportunities to their youth. To conclude, even though there are many downsides to starting up business out side big cities. I believe that it carries more opportunities for youngsters who cannot afford to live in big cities and companies can earn more profit by spending less.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
indeed
encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to transfer from urban to local outlying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. In my opinion, the advantages of this trend outweigh its drawbacks.

Admittedly
, there are enormous disadvantages of shifting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. One of them is the shortage of
highly
skilled and educated workers. There is no doubt that every qualified employee wants to settle down in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities to raise their standards, and they will not be ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their career in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will not have dedicated employees who might hurt their
Possible spelling mistake found.
profitabilities
.
For example
, A survey carried out by The Tribune newspaper reveals that 80% of industries are shutting down in regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their daily expenditures.

Despite the downsides, I believe that the benefits of setting up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
in rural regions outweigh the drawbacks. The main reason is that there is more spacious land available which can
be taken
on rent by paying a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less amount. In this way they can save their money which can
be invested
for expanding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
In addition
to this, more job opportunities will be available to those who are living in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
's
overall
growth.
For instance
, China is growing at a high note
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in this country, most of the industries
are set
up in the countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and providing more job opportunities to their youth.

To conclude
,
even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
downsides to starting up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
Did you mean "outside"?
out side
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities. I believe that it carries more opportunities for youngsters who cannot afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can earn more profit by spending less.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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