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Governments should make people responsible for looking after their own local environment. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Governments should make people responsible for looking after their own local environment. v. 1
As for various environment-related issues, it seems to reach a consensus that government need take initiatives to help their fellow citizens establish a green living environment. However, it is also advised that individuals are given compelling responsibilities to preserve the local environment they reside in. I firmly agree with it. Surely, the authority ought to give priority to environmental protection since this is closely associated with individuals' healthy life. Many measures need to be taken to improve the ecosystem. They should formulate to force people to conform to environmental laws. Besides, more money should be invested in public transport, such as buses, trams and subways. But this does not automatically represent that individuals are justified to keep out of the affair, particularly when it is relevant to their local living surroundings. Only when each resident gets involved in partaking of local environmental protection organisations, will they realise how bad the ecosystem is destroyed. Only when each resident becomes one member of volunteers, will they understand how essential is it to persuade the merchants to reduce the use of plastic bags. In addition, it is by no means to underestimate the strength of civilians which may have dramatic effects on the environment. For instance, local dwellers can make it available not to throw rubbish randomly on the road by posting the slogan or printing the pamphlets. This is more likely to result in a virtuous circle since less people tend to throw their household trash on the clean roads. To sum up, co-operation and participation deriving from the crowd have indispensable roles to play in safeguarding the natural environment. Individual citizens could and should play active roles provided that we really aspire to optimize our living environment.
As for various environment-related issues, it seems to reach a consensus that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need take initiatives to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their fellow citizens establish a green living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
However
, it is
also
advised that individuals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
compelling responsibilities to preserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
they reside in. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it.

Surely
, the authority ought to give priority to environmental protection since this is
closely
associated with individuals' healthy life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
measures need to
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the ecosystem. They should formulate to force
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to conform to environmental laws.
Besides
, more money should
be invested
in public transport, such as buses, trams and subways.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this does not
automatically
represent that individuals
are justified
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
out of the affair,
particularly
when it is relevant to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
living surroundings.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when each resident
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
involved in partaking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
environmental protection
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
, will they
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
the ecosystem is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when each resident becomes one member of volunteers, will they understand how essential is it to persuade the merchants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of plastic bags.
In addition
, it is by no means to underestimate the strength of civilians which may have dramatic effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
dwellers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it available not to throw rubbish
randomly
on the road by posting the slogan or printing the pamphlets. This is more likely to result in a virtuous circle since
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to throw their household trash on the clean roads.

To sum up, co-operation and participation deriving from the crowd have indispensable roles to play in safeguarding the natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. Individual citizens could and should play active roles provided that we
really
aspire to optimize our living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Governments should make people responsible for looking after their own local environment. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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