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The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to control violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this action? v.1

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to control violent crimes in society. with this action? v. 1
These days, it is believed that the amount of violence in action movies and TV shows should be regulated by the effective actions of the governments. I totally agree with this statement since such an action could curb the crime rates in modern society. It is undeniable that the effects that the movies, especially action ones, have on the personality development of viewers can be seen in a negative light since there is an accelerating trend of exploiting violent or bloody scenes to capture public attention. This could influence adversely the behavior of young viewers who either tend to imitate what they have seen or be unlikely to distinguish the right and wrong if they spend hours watching these movies. In addition to taking advantage of violent scenes, these movies often promote heroism and individualism, persuading people to resolve conflicts through violence, rather than legal consultation. As a consequence, these viewers tend to be temperamental and aggressive when dealing with difficulties in real life. Along with the negative influence of action movies, TV programs such as war documentaries or crime reports should be taken into account as recently, TV viewers have been exposed to a variety of these channels which are thought to broaden the knowledge of viewers and help TV producers obtain a high audience rating. However, it turns out to be a free course from which prospective criminals learn the whole procedure of law-offending practices, such as robbery or fraud. Consequently, these channels would contribute to the rise in crime rates and should be censored strictly before their publication. In conclusion, I am in favor of the opinion that government should censor/restrict strictly the quantities of violent scenes in films and TV programs since these can promote heroism and individualism and have a detrimental effect on the mindset of viewers, especially young ones.
These days, it
is believed
that the amount of violence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
should
be regulated
by the effective actions of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement since such an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
could curb the crime rates in modern society.

It is undeniable that the effects that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, have on the personality development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewers
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
light since there is an accelerating trend of exploiting violent or bloody scenes to capture public attention. This could influence
adversely
the behavior of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewers
who either tend to imitate what they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
or be unlikely to distinguish the right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
if they spend hours watching these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
In addition
to taking advantage of violent scenes, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
promote heroism and individualism, persuading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to resolve conflicts through violence,
rather
than legal consultation. As a consequence, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewers
tend to be temperamental and aggressive when dealing with difficulties in real life.

Along with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, TV programs such as war documentaries or crime reports should
be taken
into account as recently, TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewers
have
been exposed
to a variety of these channels which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to broaden the knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewers
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
TV producers obtain a high audience rating.
However
, it turns out to be a free course from which prospective criminals learn the whole procedure of law-offending practices, such as robbery or fraud.
Consequently
, these channels would contribute to the rise in crime rates and should
be censored
strictly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their publication.

In conclusion
, I am in favor of the opinion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should censor/restrict
strictly
the quantities of violent scenes in films and TV programs since these can promote heroism and individualism and have a detrimental effect on the mindset of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewers
,
especially
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to control violent crimes in society. with this action? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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