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he government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to reduce the amount of violent crimes in the society. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

he government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to reduce the amount of violent crimes in the society. v. 1
Ever since mankind emerged, food is a fundamental necessity of every human irrespective of any status. Masses prefer to consume processed food rather than cooking at their house. This essay will analyse the reasons for this scenario, as well as, the benefits and drawbacks pertaining to this choice. Firstly, humans are attracted to external food due to lack of time and energy, due to work pressure. Purchasing readily available food will not only save a lot of time of busy professionals, especially in urban areas, but also will provide opportunities to multiple small-scale vendors. To illustrate, in metro cities, usage of food applications is growing dramatically as an increasing number of corporate employees are opting to buy cooked food as it saves their time. Hence, selling and purchasing convenient meals is beneficial to both providers and consumers respectively. On the other hand, there are also threats associated, while consuming ready-made food. An increasing number of people are prone to disease such as diabetes and BP, which are caused due to constant consumption of foreign food. Furthermore, individuals are forgetting to cook authentic family dishes as there is no scope of preparing food due to lack of time and patience. For example, the Times reported that on conducting a survey on home cooking, it was found that 60% of urban women skip cooking every week, moreover, only 20% of them preserve the knowledge of their hereditary cooking. Thus, eating ready-made food yields disappointing limitations. In conclusion, although cooking and consuming ready to eat food is overwhelming as it preserves time, it may also be a threat to the mankind as frequent consumption of such food is hazardous since it is root cause of adverse health conditions.
Ever since mankind emerged,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is a fundamental necessity of every human irrespective of any status. Masses prefer to consume processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
rather
than cooking at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the reasons for this scenario,
as well
as, the benefits and drawbacks pertaining to this choice.

Firstly
, humans
are attracted
to external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to work pressure. Purchasing
readily
available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of busy professionals,
especially
in urban areas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
will provide opportunities to multiple
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
-scale vendors. To illustrate, in metro cities, usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
applications is growing
dramatically
as an increasing number of corporate employees are opting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as it saves their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Hence
, selling and purchasing convenient meals is beneficial to both providers and consumers
respectively
.

On the other hand
, there are
also
threats associated, while consuming ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. An increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are prone to disease such as diabetes and BP, which
are caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to constant consumption of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Furthermore
, individuals are forgetting to cook authentic family dishes as there is no scope of preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and patience.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
reported that on conducting a survey on home cooking, it
was found
that 60% of urban women skip cooking every week,
moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
20% of them preserve the knowledge of their hereditary cooking.
Thus
, eating ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
yields disappointing limitations.

In conclusion
, although cooking and consuming ready to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is overwhelming as it preserves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it may
also
be a threat to the mankind as frequent consumption of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is hazardous since it is root cause of adverse health conditions.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay he government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to reduce the amount of violent crimes in the society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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