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The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to control violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this action? v.2

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to control violent crimes in society. with this action? v. 2
It is undeniable that movies, programmes and many sorts of media are filled with violent scenes and the consequences are that many crimes are committed with violence. Therefore, I agree with this statement that government should do something to control such content. Violence in the media brings on lots of adverse impact on the audience’s mindset. Brutality in such programmes and movies may gradually change viewers attitudes, manners and personalities. The youth and children are likely to be the victims of this because they are too immature to control their thoughts and actions. They are usually inspired by the heroism and individualism, therefore solving problems and conflicts with physical power rather than consultation and conversation. This often leads to crimes in school such as bullying. Not only children, but also adults are affected. Some might want to show off their power so they try to imitate what they see and there may be more serious crimes carried out such as murder. If violence in movies and programmes are not controlled and censored, there are still negative influences on the audiences and more crimes are added to the social problems. In addition to what is expressed above, I believe that it will be harder for governments to control illegal acts if sorts of media keep showing violent contents. For example, war documentaries which present the strategies used in war and films with ideas about crimes might be the sources for criminals to consult and do a ‘perfect’ crimes. The anti-crimes forces will have more difficulties in stopping criminals because they are more and more smart. In conclusion, I’m all in the favour of the idea that government should restrict the violent contents because it will decrease the numbers of offences committed and also reduce the negative effects among citizens, especially the youth and children.
It is undeniable that movies,
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sorts of media
are filled
with violent scenes and the consequences are that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are committed
with violence.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should do something to control such content.

Violence in the media brings on lots of adverse impact on the audience’s mindset. Brutality in such
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and movies may
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
viewers attitudes, manners and personalities. The youth and children are likely to be the victims of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are too immature to control their thoughts and actions. They are
usually
inspired by the heroism and individualism,
therefore
solving problems and conflicts with physical power
rather
than consultation and conversation. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in school such as bullying. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
adults are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
might want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off their power
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they try to imitate what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and there may be more serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
carried out such as murder. If violence in movies and
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
are not controlled and censored, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences on the audiences and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the social problems.

In addition
to what
is expressed
above, I believe that it will be harder for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to control illegal acts if sorts of media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
showing violent contents.
For example
, war documentaries which present the strategies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in war and films with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
might be the sources for criminals to consult and do a ‘perfect’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. The anti-crimes forces will have more difficulties in stopping criminals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more and more smart.

In conclusion
, I’m all in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should restrict the violent contents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will decrease the numbers of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
committed and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects among citizens,
especially
the youth and children.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to control violent crimes in society. with this action? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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