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The government should close companies that produce toxic waste materials without their own waste treatment facility in order to protect the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The government should close companies that produce toxic waste materials without their own waste treatment facility in order to protect the environment. v. 2
Nowadays, tremendous modernisation and the adoption of western culture has influenced the young generation to get involved in a relationship and keep girlfriend or boyfriend. Some believe that it is not a wise choice to be in a relation at such a young age. My inclination falls in the line with this view. To begin with, getting into a appositeness in an immature age can have various deleterious effects. Firstly, adolescence is an age of study and to make career plans, involving in a relationship at such a tender age can distract them from study and can deviate them to wrong path. This in result can make a person less ambitious towards achieving their life's goals and can ruin their future. Furthermore, getting into a wrong relationship can contribute to emotional trauma and stress in youngsters. Owing to this, they can make any wrong decision which can even threat their life. For instance, nowadays in many news it can be seen that a boy committed suicide just because of his unsuccessful love affairs. Moreover, since the minds of the juveniles are impressionable and highly reception, they are unable to differentiate between right and wrong can be easily get trapped with a wrong companion. This can further make them disobedient and they ignore other important relationships, such as with parents and relatives. To conclude, though adolescence is an age of distraction towards opposite gender and making friends, engaging in a relationship at this age can have a plethora of detrimental effects such as, mental exhaustion, unsuccessful career and immoral behaviour. So, I firmly believe that young age is not an appropriate age of making girlfriend or boyfriend.
Nowadays, tremendous
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
and the adoption of western culture has influenced the young generation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
girlfriend or boyfriend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that it is not a wise choice to be in a relation at such a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. My inclination falls in the line with this view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, getting into
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
appositeness in an immature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
can have various deleterious effects.

Firstly
, adolescence is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of study and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
career plans, involving in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
at such a tender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
can distract them from study and can deviate them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
path. This in result can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a person less ambitious towards achieving their life's goals and can ruin their future.

Furthermore
, getting into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
can contribute to emotional trauma and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in youngsters. Owing to this, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
decision which can even threat their life.
For instance
, nowadays in
Possible agreement error. The noun news seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much news", "a good deal of news".
many news
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that a boy committed suicide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his unsuccessful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
affairs.
Moreover
, since the minds of the juveniles are impressionable and
highly
reception, they are unable to differentiate between right and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
can be
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trapped with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
companion. This can
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
disobedient and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
, such as with parents and relatives.

To conclude
, though adolescence is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of distraction towards opposite gender and making friends, engaging in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
can have a plethora of detrimental effects such as, mental exhaustion, unsuccessful career and immoral
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
firmly
believe that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is not an appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of making girlfriend or boyfriend.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should close companies that produce toxic waste materials without their own waste treatment facility in order to protect the environment. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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