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Some people claim that using tobacco has brought several social problems and smoking should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people claim that using tobacco has brought several social problems and smoking should be banned. v. 1
It is widely argued that some people come to this world with the potential to excel in particular fields such as sports or music while others do not, others believe that anyone can be trained to become a good sports player or musician. In my opinion, I agree with the latter view that anyone is capable of becoming an expert in his or her field through training and hard work. On one hand, it is claimed that there are people who have talent from their birth in a certain field. These people are from a family that already has a sports or performing arts background. To exemplify, it is commonly observed that most of the popular sports players, actors or musicians come from families that already have a background in their respective fields. However, some people are considered to be the best in their field and do not have a related family background. These people are believed to have certain genetics, either inherited from their parents or formed as a result of mutation, which sets them apart in any particular field. On the other hand, it is believed that anyone can become an expert in any field through training and I agree. In any field of life, it is the skill of individuals which makes them the best in their domain. And a skill can be learned with hours and hours beating on one's craft. For example, The great boxer, Mohammad Ali, became the best boxer of his time through hours of training with dedication. Therefore, anyone can be taught to become a good sports player or performer. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinions, I think that anyone can become a good sports player or musician through training, hard work, and dedication.
It is
widely
argued that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to this world with the potential to excel
in particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or music while others do not, others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anyone
can
be trained
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
or musician. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anyone
is capable of becoming an expert in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

On one hand, it
is claimed
that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have talent from their birth in a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are from a family that already has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or performing arts background. To exemplify, it is
commonly
observed that most of the popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
, actors or musicians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from families that already have a background in their respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are considered
to be the best in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
and do not have a related family background. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are believed
to have certain genetics, either inherited from their parents or formed
as a result
of mutation, which sets them apart in any particular field.

On the other hand
, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anyone
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an expert in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. In any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of life, it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of individuals which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them the best in their domain. And a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
can
be learned
with hours and hours beating on one's craft.
For example
, The great boxer, Mohammad Ali, became the best boxer of his time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
with dedication.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anyone
can
be taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
or performer.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinions, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anyone
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
or musician
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, and dedication.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people claim that using tobacco has brought several social problems and smoking should be banned. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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