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The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer. v.2

The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. v. 2
There has been an argument over smoking in the outside. Some individuals think lighting a cigarette and it's contemporaries should not be allowed in the open, although it might rob others of their freedom. This essay completely agrees with this point of view because smoking is injurious to the health of the citizens at large and also it is not a good habit to be practised in the open. First and foremost, one of the reasons why i go with this statement is that, smoking is damaging to the life of the society. This means that, the person enjoying the habit is not the only one at the risk of disease conditions such as cancer that results from smoking. For instance, in 2013 it was discovered that, 55% of people who came down with cancers were passive smokers. For this reason, anyone who wished to smoke should not be allowed to do so in the public or amongst people, thus, this practice be banned in the open. Secondly, smoking is not a good habit that should be showcased in the public. There are innocent children in the outside world that are learning, if they see adults lighting tobacco products outside, they may feel it is a good way of enjoying life. In order words, smoking in the public may influence younger children. For example, while we young, a friend of mine started smoking papers and mats, because he saw people practicing this habit in the open. To prevent the younger generation from learning such habits, although it may threaten other people's choice of freedom, people should be restricted from smoking in public areas. In conclusion, due to the harms caused by smoking and it's influence on young kids, I completely agree that the authorities should ban smoking in the public areas.
There has been an argument over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
The usual preposition for "outside" is "on" not "in". Revise: "on the outside".
in the outside
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
lighting a cigarette and it's contemporaries should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
in the open, although it might rob others of their freedom. This essay completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this point of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is injurious to the health of the citizens at large and
also
it is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'practised' is British English.
practised
in the open.

First
and foremost, one of the reasons why
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
this statement is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is damaging to the life of the society. This means that, the person enjoying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of disease conditions such as cancer that results from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
For instance
, in 2013 it
was discovered
that, 55% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who came down with cancers were passive smokers.
For this reason
, anyone who wished to smoke should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
or amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
thus
, this practice
be banned
in the open.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
that should
be showcased
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. There are innocent children in the outside world that are learning, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
adults lighting tobacco products outside, they may feel it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way of enjoying life. In order words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
may influence younger children.
For example
, while
It seems that a verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here. Please verify.
we young
, a friend of mine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
papers and mats,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
practicing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
in the open. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the younger generation from learning such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
, although it may threaten other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's choice of freedom,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be restricted
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
areas.

In conclusion
, due to the harms caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
and it's influence on young kids, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the authorities should ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
areas.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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