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The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer v.1

The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. 1
It has long been a subject of discussion whether smoking in public areas should be ban by the government or vice-versa. In my opinion, the former notion has several strong elements that deserve attention and I will explain why using pertinent arguments. My viewpoint has a myriad of arguments. The most perceptible one, to start with, lies in the fact that the majority of the government prohibited to smoke in public places in order to maintain a safe and clean environment. Not only does it reveal some astonishing figures that prove the point of having smoke near schools and libraries would affect children's health and character, but it also encourages one to consider more details further down the track which gives transparent and logical reasoning to the people of today's world about their health concern. For instance, doctors reported that passive smokers are more affected than active smokers. Self-evidently, all these merits stand people in good stead, as far as their health is concerned. Another vital facet of the argument is that, based on some real-time facts and figures, 70% of lung cancer caused by tobacco smoking. Besides a few perks, it is up to the authorities to educate people and allow them to take a sensible decision. Therefore, it is quite evident why many are in favour of my stance. From what has been discussed, one can conclude that the benefits of banning smoke in public places by the government are indeed too great to ignore. The government can suggest their people use the smoking zone in public places.
It has long been a subject of discussion whether smoking in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
areas should be
Did you mean "banned"?
ban
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or vice-versa. In my opinion, the former notion has several strong elements that deserve attention and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why using pertinent arguments.

My viewpoint has a myriad of arguments. The most perceptible one, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, lies in the fact that the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
prohibited to smoke in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places in order to maintain a safe and clean environment. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it reveal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
astonishing figures that prove the point of having smoke near schools and libraries would affect children's health and character,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
encourages one to consider more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
further
down the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
which gives transparent and logical reasoning to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world about their health concern.
For instance
, doctors reported that passive smokers are more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
than active smokers. Self-
evidently
, all these merits stand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stead, as far as their health
is concerned
.

Another vital facet of the argument is that, based on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
real-time facts and figures, 70% of lung cancer caused by tobacco smoking.
Besides
a few perks, it is up to the authorities to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to take a sensible decision.
Therefore
, it is quite evident why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of my stance.

From what has
been discussed
, one can conclude that the benefits of banning smoke in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
are
indeed
too great to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can suggest their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the smoking zone in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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