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Motor vehicle crashes are one of the leading causes of teen deaths. To prevent such road accidents, the government should ban people under 24 to drive motorcycles. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Motor vehicle crashes are one of the leading causes of teen deaths. To prevent such road accidents, the government should ban people under 24 to drive motorcycles. v. 1
It is observed that, deaths of teenagers arising from road traffic accidents are on the increase, to solve this menace, some people are of the opinion that folks under the age of 24 should not be allowed to drive a vehicle. This essay completely agrees with this point of view because the under 24's are not wholly matured to operate a car and also, they do not yet have a sense of responsibility. First and foremost, one of the reasons why I subscribe to this point of view is because, the majority of those under the age of 24 are not yet matured in all ramifications and allowing them to drive is like giving them a death sentence. For example, driving takes courage and maturity, if these kids are faced my an incoming vehicle that just had a failed braked, would they not lose hope? Would they not chicken out, thus loosing focus and allowing an accident to occur. Due to lack of courage and maturity, I think anyone In the early twenties should not be permitted to drive. Secondly, another reason is that, most young adults do not have a sense of responsibility, they just want to be gallivanting and cruising cars up and down, they are not so concerned nor accustomed with the rules and regulations of owning and driving a vehicle. In other words, they are only concerned with enjoying life, not with the rules and regulations guiding driving as a whole. For instance, an artiste of the same age, in Nigeria got himself killed, as he was drunk due to lack of sense of responsibility and ran into a truck that was standing by itself. To avoid loosing the young adults unduly, it is better if they are denied the right of driving a motor. In conclusion, although it may look like denying the young adults their rights, but because of their immaturity and no sense of accountability, i completely agree that young adults should be stopped from driving.
It
is observed
that, deaths of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
arising from road traffic accidents are on the increase, to solve this menace,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that folks under the age of 24 should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to drive a vehicle. This essay completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this point of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the under 24's are not wholly matured to operate a car and
also
, they do not
yet
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of responsibility.

First
and foremost, one of the reasons why I subscribe to this point of view is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the majority of those under the age of 24 are not
yet
matured in all ramifications and allowing them to drive is like giving them a death sentence.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
takes courage and maturity, if these kids
are faced
my an incoming vehicle that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
had a failed braked, would they not lose hope? Would they not chicken out,
thus
loosing focus and allowing an accident to occur. Due to lack of courage and maturity, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
anyone In the early twenties should not
be permitted
to drive.

Secondly
, another reason is that, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
do not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of responsibility, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to be gallivanting and cruising cars up and down, they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
concerned nor
The usual collocation for "accustomed" is "to" not "with". Did you mean "accustomed to"?
accustomed with
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations of owning and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
a vehicle.
In other words
, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concerned with enjoying life, not with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations guiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
as a whole.
For instance
, an artiste of the same age, in Nigeria
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
himself killed, as he
was drunk
due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of responsibility and ran into a truck that was standing by itself. To avoid
Did you mean "losing the"?
loosing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
unduly
, it is better if they
are denied
the right of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
a motor.

In conclusion
, although it may look like denying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
their rights,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their immaturity and no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of accountability,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Motor vehicle crashes are one of the leading causes of teen deaths. To prevent such road accidents, the government should ban people under 24 to drive motorcycles. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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