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The government should ban smoking in all public places even though this would restrict some other people s freedoms Do you agree or disagree Give reasons for your answer v.2

The government should ban smoking in all public places even though this would restrict some other people s freedoms 2
In recent years, the consumption of cigarettes in public locations is following an incremental trend. Some people support for the idea that smoking in public places should be banned, while others suppose that this would place a restriction on ones’ personal freedoms. In my opinion, smoking ban needs to be considered in many countries. It can be clearly seen that smoking causes a great number of negative consequences to ones’ health. Most of researches illustrates that a cigarette involves in many chemicals and gases which are definitely harmful to our lungs, such as nicotine, carbon monoxide, benzene or nitrosamine. These toxicants may cause an chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, which is a condition of lungs’ respiratory limitaion, and lungs cancer in the long run. Not only causing harm to ones who directly use cigarettes, smoking in places opened for everyone affects to other people living or working in the same places called passive smoking, particularly in children and natal women. This is proven by the figure 60% of rising risk of lung cancer whether children and women are exposed with smoking gases from others. Additionally, some people tend to litter cigarettes after using them. As the result, It is likely to bring about a serious fire, especially in a hot and dry weather; therefore properties and mankind would be suffered a loss. Besides, smoking in public locations also exacerbates the environmental pollution, via several deadly gases mentioned. The gases cause the depletion of ozone layer which protects our bodies from ultraviolet rays as well. In the decades dealing with universal pollution, everyone should reduce the repetition of consuming cigarettes in order to protect the Earth. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the government should ban smoking for all national population’s health and international environment. Even though this may place a restriction on ones’ freedoms, the benefits of this is far higher than its disadvantages.
In recent years, the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
in public locations is following an incremental trend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
should
be banned
, while others suppose that this would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
a restriction on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones’
personal freedoms. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
ban needs to
be considered
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.

It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
causes a great number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones’
health.
After 'Most of', you should use 'the' ("Most of the researches") or simply say "Most researches".
Most of researches
illustrates that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
involves in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
chemicals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gases
which are definitely harmful to our lungs, such as nicotine, carbon monoxide, benzene or nitrosamine. These
Possible spelling mistake found.
toxicants
may cause
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, which is a condition of lungs’ respiratory
Possible spelling mistake found.
limitaion
, and lungs cancer in the long run. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
causing harm to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
opened for everyone affects to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living or working in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
called passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
,
particularly
in children and natal women. This
is proven
by the figure 60% of rising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of lung cancer whether children and women
are exposed
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gases
from others.

Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to litter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
after using them. As the result, It is likely to bring about a serious fire,
especially
in a hot and dry weather;
therefore
properties and mankind would
be suffered
a loss.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in public locations
also
exacerbates the environmental pollution, via several deadly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gases
mentioned. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gases
cause the depletion of ozone layer which protects our bodies from ultraviolet rays
as well
. In the decades dealing with universal pollution, everyone should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the repetition of consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
in order to protect the Earth.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
for all national population’s health and international environment.
Even though
this may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
a restriction on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones’
freedoms, the benefits of this is far higher than its disadvantages.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should ban smoking in all public places even though this would restrict some other people s freedoms 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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