Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced? v.2

Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced? v. 2
Nowadays, the audience of violent films has gone through a boom period and the entertainment industry released more aggressive movies for subjected to individual needs. Some obey that this brings a severe consequence to society. In this essay, I will examine the causes and solutions that resolve this problem. First of all, the popularity of violent fans has grown surprisingly and this comes with a negative impact on individuals and society. One is that people started to overlook the downsides of violent acts imitate the offender roles in the movies. As a result, an individual started to experience a robbery, whistle-blowing, and murder as normal. This leads to the loss of property or even other’ lives. Another worrying consequence is that children with a lack of distinction between right and wrong, adequate lessons at school, proper monitor from their parents will result in misguided action. Moreover, these children may imitate negative movement and be a law-breaker themselves. Turning to the solution to combat this development, to solve an excessive of aggressive movies, the government should take responsibility by introduceing more stringent law to tackle overwhelming violent acts of the actor. Besides, producing a law that suitable for several violent movies will alleviate the growth in popularity. As a consequence among children, a psychological lesson should be compulsory in the school curriculum to generate a positive mindset among pupils. Furthermore, parents should give a proper monitor for their children to spend time watching a violent TV program. To conclude, since growth in the violence cinema industry contributes to people copy offender's actions and became a criminal themselves. Also, brings severe consequences to young people. The solution to ease this problem is the cooperation between government and parents by giving an adequate lesson and more strict control to the policy of the country.
Nowadays, the audience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
films has gone through a boom period and the entertainment industry released more aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
for subjected to individual needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
obey that this brings a severe
The usual preposition to use after "consequence" is not "to". Did you mean "consequence of", "consequence for", or "consequence on"?
consequence to
society. In this essay, I will examine the causes and solutions that resolve this problem.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
fans has grown
surprisingly
and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on individuals and society. One is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to overlook the downsides of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
acts imitate the offender roles in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
As a result
, an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to experience a robbery, whistle-blowing, and murder as normal. This leads to the loss of property or even other’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Another worrying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consequence
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with a lack of distinction between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, adequate lessons at school, proper monitor from their parents will result in misguided action.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may imitate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
movement and be a law-breaker themselves.

Turning to the solution to combat this development, to solve
The phrase 'an excessive of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'an' and 'of'.
an excessive of
aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take responsibility by
Possible spelling mistake found.
introduceing
more stringent law to tackle overwhelming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
acts of the actor.
Besides
, producing a law that suitable for several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
will alleviate the growth in popularity. As a
The usual preposition to use after "consequence" is not "among". Did you mean "consequence of", "consequence for", or "consequence on"?
consequence among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, a psychological lesson should be compulsory in the school curriculum to generate a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
mindset among pupils.
Furthermore
, parents should give a proper monitor for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend time watching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
TV program.

To conclude
, since growth in the violence cinema industry contributes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
copy offender's actions and became a criminal themselves.
Also
, brings severe
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
this problem is the cooperation between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and parents by giving an adequate lesson and more strict control to the policy of the country.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts