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It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science subject. What are the causes? And the effects on society? v.4

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science subject. What are the causes? And the effects on society? v. 4
In recent decades, the number of students enrolling in science-related subjects is becoming inadequate in different parts of the world. Given that this trend leads to a whole host of issues to society, identifying the reasons is key to finding the solutions. There are a number of reasons why science subjects are no longer appealing to students in universities or colleges. First, since those subjects are often demanding and difficult, which requires a lot of diligence as well as a great deal of patience and intelligence, students may find it discouraging to opt for such courses as their majors. In fact, science subjects seem to be less attractive to students compared to economics or business-related subjects partially due to a higher level of commitment and difficulty involved, especially for young people who prefer instant gratification rather than long-term benefits. Second, as employment opportunities available for graduates in the science field are limited and extremely competitive, students are prone to be reluctant to enroll in related majors. This means that although a huge amount of time and effort is spent on these majors, there is no guarantee or little chance for them to land a decent job after graduation. A shortage of science learners can result in some negative effects on society. First, as the number of science students is insignificant, other majors such as business or economics become prevalent, hence the imbalance in the future workforce. In fact, increased competitiveness due to abundant degree holders of the same expertise might push a number of non-science graduates to the verge of unemployment. Second, if fewer students decided to learn science majors, there would be a shortage of science professionals as qualified employees within a nation. This means that a nation, especially those in the developing-nation group, will resort to offshore outsourcing and thus being heavily reliant to more developed nations, which will no doubt hurt the domestic economy in the long-term. In conclusion, the challenging nature of science subjects and limited job prospects are hindrances to students considering entering this field, and serious problems are arising from this situation.
In recent decades, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrolling in science-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is becoming inadequate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that this trend leads to a whole host of issues to society, identifying the reasons is key to finding the solutions.

There are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are no longer appealing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in universities or colleges.
First
, since those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
demanding and difficult, which requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
diligence
as well
as a great deal of patience and intelligence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may find it discouraging to opt for such courses as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
seem to be less attractive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
compared to economics or business-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
partially
due to a higher level of commitment and difficulty involved,
especially
for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who prefer instant gratification
rather
than long-term benefits. Second, as employment opportunities available for graduates in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
field
are limited
and
extremely
competitive,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are prone to be reluctant to enroll in related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
. This means that although a huge amount of time and effort
is spent
on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
, there is no guarantee or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
chance for them to land a decent job after graduation.

A shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
learners can result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on society.
First
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is insignificant, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
such as business or economics become prevalent,
hence
the imbalance in the future workforce. In fact, increased competitiveness due to abundant degree holders of the same expertise might push a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of non-science graduates to the verge of unemployment. Second, if fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
decided to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
, there would be a shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
professionals as qualified employees within a nation. This means that a nation,
especially
those in the developing-nation group, will resort to offshore outsourcing and
thus
being
heavily
reliant to more developed nations, which will no doubt hurt the domestic economy in the long-term.

In conclusion
, the challenging nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and limited job prospects are hindrances to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
considering entering this field, and serious problems are arising from this situation.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science subject. What are the causes? And the effects on society? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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