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The graphs below show the types of music album purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.2

The graphs below show the types of music album purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age
The bar charts illustrate the percentage of people in terms of gender and age purchasing Pop music, Rock music and Classical music. At first glance, it is evident that the most popular the kind of music is Rock music. It can be seen from the graphs that the proportion of men who buy music is higher than women in both three types of music. Specifically, there are about 22 percent of male buying Pop music and just under 15 percent of female purchasing one. The figures for Rock music are 27 percent and 18 percent respectively. For Classical music, the rate of men purchasing the music account for under one-tenth, while this percentage for women make approxinately 6 percent. According to age, people aging from 16-24 years old intend to buy Pop and Rock music, at 25 percent and around 30 percent respectively. They do not like Classical music, so which occupies at just under 2 percent. Similarly, Pop and Rock music purchased by approximately one-fifth and a quarter of people being from 35 to 44 years old, while the figure for Classical music only has 3 percent. By contrast, people over 45 years old prefer Classical music to others. Generally, people being from 25 – 34 years old like both three types of music, however they prefer Rock music than others.
The bar charts illustrate the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in terms of gender and age purchasing Pop
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music
,
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Rock
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music
and
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Classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. At
first
glance, it is evident that the most popular the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rock
music.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graphs that the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is higher than women in both three types of
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music
.
Specifically
, there are about 22
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percent
of male buying Pop
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music
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 15
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percent
of female purchasing one. The figures for
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Rock
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music
are 27
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percent
and 18
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percent
respectively
. For
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Classical
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music
, the rate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
purchasing the
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music
account for under one-tenth, while this percentage for women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Possible spelling mistake found.
approxinately
6 percent.

According to age,
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people
aging from 16-24 years
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old
intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Pop and
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Rock
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music
, at 25
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percent
and around 30
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percent
respectively
. They do not like
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Classical
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music
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
which occupies at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 2
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percent
.
Similarly
, Pop and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by approximately one-fifth and a quarter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being from 35 to 44 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
, while the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has 3
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percent
. By contrast,
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people
over 45 years
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old
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to others.
Generally
,
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people
being
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 25 to 34"?
from 25 – 34
years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
like both three types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
however
they prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
than others.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay The graphs below show the types of music album purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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