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The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like new year or festivals. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like new year or festivals. v. 3
People have different views about whether public expenditure on national occasions such as new year or festivals is too much nowadays. While I agree that governments and individuals are spending a significant amount of money on those celebrations, I would argue that this activity is necessary and therefore can be considered acceptable. It is true that a large amount of money is currently spent on some important celebrations of a country. Firstly, governments is spending a proportion of their budget on holding events to celebrate these occasions. For example, much money is being paid for fireworks on New Year’s eve in many countries around the world. Secondly, individuals also spend money to have celebrations and parties with their families, which is a common habit in many areas. For instance, my parents and I often have a special dinner on the final day of every year. However, I believe there are great benefits of public spending on national celebrations, and therefore it is completely justifiable. The first advantage is that this is a great way to preserve the culture of a nation. To illustrate, Lunar New Year is an important part of the Vietnamese culture, and holding celebrations for this occasion is necessary to remind younger generations of this tradition. Additionally, since these occasions are usually the only times for family members to have time and enjoy together, it is understandable that people would want to spend money on something that makes them happy. Finally, as there are only a few national celebrations in a year, the amount of money spent on those days is unlikely to be too much. In conclusion, I disagree with the idea that people and governments are spending too much money on national occasions.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether public expenditure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
such as new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
or festivals is too much nowadays. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and individuals are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
a significant amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
, I would argue that this activity is necessary and
therefore
can
be considered
acceptable.

It is true that a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
currently
spent on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
of a country.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
a proportion of their budget on holding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
to celebrate these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
.
For example
, much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
being paid
for fireworks on New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Year’s
eve in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world.
Secondly
, individuals
also
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
and parties with their families, which is a common habit in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas.
For instance
, my parents and I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have a special dinner on the final day of every year.

However
, I believe there are great benefits of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
, and
therefore
it is completely justifiable. The
first
advantage is that this is a great way to preserve the culture of a nation. To illustrate, Lunar New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Year
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of the Vietnamese culture, and holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
is necessary to remind younger generations of this tradition.
Additionally
, since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
are
usually
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
times for family members to have time and enjoy together, it is understandable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would want to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on something that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy.
Finally
, as there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on those days is unlikely to be too much.

In conclusion
, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasions
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like new year or festivals. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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