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People's shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to than any other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.9

People's shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to than any other factors. v. 9
These days, shopping is a necessary activity to maintain daily life. Some people often do shopping mainly to buy goods, but others focus on the entertainment purpose. Therefore, I absolutely agree that the age is the primary factor deciding shopping habits of people. In my opinion, many elderly people do shopping in the traditional way. It means they often visit the street markets to buy goods. This is because they have a good relationship with their vendors to have great bargain. Thus, there is no need to negotiating the price with sellers. Moreover, older people spend less time in supermarkets or trade centres. In other words, they dislike to waste their time on waiting for paying. for instance, my mother hates to stand in front of a counter of the supermarket only to pay for her clothes. In contrast, some youngsters have different habits in shopping. Commonly, they like to do online shopping to buy what they need with just a click. In other words, it is so convenient for them to compare prices among vendors. Furthermore, they can save their time instead of going out on the street and suffering traffic jam. Occasionally, teenagers are keen on visiting supermarkets or trade centres with an aim to do window shopping which helps them have rest and relaxation. To conclude, there are some differences in shopping habits between young and old generations. As far as I am concerned, old people should change their habits to keep pace with the development of society.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is a necessary activity to maintain daily life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mainly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others focus on the entertainment purpose.
Therefore
, I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the age is the primary factor deciding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In my opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in the traditional way. It means they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
visit the street markets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with their vendors to have great bargain.
Thus
, there is no
Did you mean "need to negotiate"?
need to negotiating
the price with sellers.
Moreover
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend less time in supermarkets or trade
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
In other words
, they
The verb 'dislike' is used with the gerund form: "dislike wasting".
dislike to waste
their time on waiting for paying.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, my mother hates to stand in front of a counter of the supermarket
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to pay for her clothes.

In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youngsters have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Commonly
, they like to do online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
what they need with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a click.
In other words
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
convenient for them to compare prices among vendors.
Furthermore
, they can save their time
instead
of going out on the street and suffering traffic jam.
Occasionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are keen on visiting supermarkets or trade
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
with an aim to do window
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them have rest and relaxation.

To conclude
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
differences in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
between young and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generations. As far as I
am concerned
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
pace with the development of society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay People's shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to than any other factors. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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