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The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like new year or festivals. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like new year or festivals. v. 1
Increased wealth has allowed both the government and individuals to spend more on special occasions than before, especially when it comes to national celebrations. However, this does not mean that modern people are leading an extravagant lifestyle, as will now be discussed. On the societal level, public spending on special events should not be considered a waste of financial resources. One reason is that national celebrations act as a catalyst for the growth of the tourism industry, attracting more foreign tourists to pay a visit to the country. The economy may reap the benefits from the investment of the government in festivals and New Year celebrations, courtesy of job creation and income generation from the growing demand for food, accommodation and transport. Another justification is that social events pay dividends because they can increase social cohesion. People of different classes may together, enjoy the joyful atmosphere, make friends and leave their hardships behind, which contributes to social well-being. It is also ludicrous to blame individuals for their spending on special occasions. Primarily, the money we earn from work should be used to not only cover the cost of living but also enjoy life. Recreational events are great chances for us to escape the tedium of mundane tasks at the workplace, and a sum of money spent on a party, for example, can help us achieve this. In addition, people should not live a frugal life/existence for the rest of their lives. The New Year holiday is a great chance for them to spend part of their savings on food, decorations and clothing, so they have a happy time to tighten the bond with other family members. In conclusion, judging a sum that is/ought to be allocated for special events is very subjective. Therefore, I personally disagree that we are overspending the national budget and individual savings on national celebrations.
Increased wealth has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and individuals to spend more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
occasions than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
especially
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
.
However
, this does not mean that modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are leading an extravagant lifestyle, as will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be discussed
.

On the societal level, public spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
should not
be considered
a waste of financial resources. One reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
act as a catalyst for the growth of the tourism industry, attracting more foreign tourists to pay a visit to the country. The economy may reap the benefits from the investment of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in festivals and New Year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
, courtesy of job creation and income generation from the growing demand for food, accommodation and transport. Another justification is that social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
pay dividends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can increase social cohesion.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
classes may together, enjoy the joyful atmosphere,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their hardships behind, which contributes to social well-being.

It is
also
ludicrous to blame individuals for their spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
occasions.
Primarily
, the money we earn from work should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cover the cost of living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enjoy life. Recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are great chances for us to escape the tedium of mundane tasks at the workplace, and a sum of money spent on a party,
for example
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us achieve this.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a frugal life/existence for the rest of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The New Year holiday is a great chance for them to spend part of their savings on food, decorations and clothing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have a happy time to tighten the bond with other family members.
In conclusion
, judging a sum
that is
/ought to
be allocated
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
subjective.
Therefore
, I
personally
disagree that we are overspending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
budget and individual savings on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like new year or festivals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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