Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that famous people can help international aid organizations to draw attention to important problems. Others believe that the celebrities can make the problems seem less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that famous people can help international aid organizations to draw attention to important problems. Others believe that the celebrities can make the problems seem less important. v. 1
From the perspective of some people, aid agencies can take advantage of celebrity’s fame to raise public awareness towards certain matters of importance. Others, however, hold the view that such method may only bring counterproductive results. Personally, I find the latter more convincing. Those who support the idea of using famed individuals’ assistance have their own justifications. First of all, people who are considered role models apparently have a considerable amount of influence on the public. Emma Watson, for instance, being a prominent actress, is currently the goodwill ambassador for the United Nations, promoting gender equality and undoubtedly drawing a great deal of attention from her admirers. Furthermore, a wider range of the population can be reached if an organisation’s campaign is represented by a popular star. In many parts of the world, some film stars are even more well-known to the locals than the organisation itself owes to their appearance in familiar cinematic products. Therefore the introduction of a humanitarian campaign can be further facilitated thanks to the artists. Nevertheless, I can understand why other people are against inviting celebrities for assistance. When relying on the fame of some people to attract more public attention, an aid programme can also be affected by their scandals. Mass public disapproval may arise from a representative receiving a speeding ticket or getting caught using illegal drugs, undervaluing the significance of the aid programme. Another foreseeable drawback is that the public might take the presence of famous entertainers as a mere publicity stunt. Without the evidence of real actions taken to mitigate a problem such as participating in a volunteer team to help the people in need, famous people may fail to draw the attention of people to the situation. In conclusion, while some people have reasons to believe in the success of celebrities in getting people to pay attention, I tend to think that such approach might not prove to be effective for aid organisations as expected.
From the perspective of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
agencies can take advantage of celebrity’s fame to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
awareness towards certain matters of importance. Others,
however
, hold the view that such method may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring counterproductive results.
Personally
, I find the latter more convincing.

Those who support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of using famed individuals’ assistance have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
justifications.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are considered
role models
apparently
have a considerable amount of influence on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. Emma Watson,
for instance
, being a prominent actress, is
currently
the goodwill ambassador for the United Nations, promoting gender equality and
undoubtedly
drawing a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
from her admirers.
Furthermore
, a wider range of the population can
be reached
if an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
’s campaign
is represented
by a popular star. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
film stars are even more well-known to the locals than the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
itself owes to their appearance in familiar cinematic products.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the introduction of a humanitarian campaign can be
further
facilitated thanks to the artists.

Nevertheless
, I can understand why other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are against inviting celebrities for assistance. When relying on the fame of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by their scandals. Mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
disapproval may arise from a representative receiving a speeding ticket or getting caught using illegal drugs, undervaluing the significance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
. Another foreseeable drawback is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
might take the presence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
entertainers as a mere publicity stunt. Without the evidence of real actions taken to mitigate a problem such as participating in a volunteer team to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in need,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may fail to draw the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to the situation.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have reasons to believe in the success of celebrities in getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
, I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that such approach might not prove to be effective for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that famous people can help international aid organizations to draw attention to important problems. Others believe that the celebrities can make the problems seem less important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts