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The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like new year or festivals. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like new year or festivals. v. 4
I think that government and individuals are not spending too much money on national celebrations. Because it brings many benefits for society and national economies. Spending money on national celebrations affects positively to society. Firstly, people have the time and the places to rest or to play. They have many opportunities relaxing after their busy days at works. If Tet holiday is not organized, people will not the time to rest and time for their family. Secondly, spending money to organized celebrations help people maintain the national traditions. Nowadays, more foreign festivals are imported. The young people are attracted to them and forget the traditional festivals. For example, in many cities children don’t parade lantern in The Middle Moon. Thirdly, this is the good approach to educate children about their national culture. Before Tet holiday, the many programs teach children method to make Chung cake. On the other hand, spend money on national celebrations is a beneficial investment. The festivals will attract many tourists and local residents will receive much revenue from buying souvenirs and the services. In Hue’s festival, there are billions of people to attend. This helps the hotels, restaurants earn much money. Moreover, celebrations promote economic development. In days of celebrations, consumption increases dramatically. People purchase goods, go to shopping to prepare for celebrations. In Tet holiday, they often buy many beautiful clothes for their family, many presents for a relationship. From the reason mentioned above, I believe the actions of investing on national celebrations is a wise response of the government to people’s expectation.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and individuals are not spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
economies.

Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
affects
positively
to society.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the time and the places to rest or to play. They have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities relaxing after their busy days at works. If Tet holiday is not organized,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not the time to rest and time for their family.
Secondly
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
traditions. Nowadays, more foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
are imported
. The young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attracted
to them and forget the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities children don’t parade lantern in The Middle Moon.
Thirdly
, this is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
approach to educate children about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
culture.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
Tet holiday, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
programs teach children method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Chung cake.

On the other hand
, spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
is a beneficial investment. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
will attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tourists and local residents will receive much revenue from buying souvenirs and the services. In Hue’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
, there are billions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to attend. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the hotels, restaurants earn much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
promote economic development. In days of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
, consumption increases
dramatically
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, go to shopping to prepare for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
. In Tet holiday, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
clothes for their family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
presents for a relationship.

From the reason mentioned above, I believe the actions of investing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
is a wise response of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
expectation.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like new year or festivals. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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