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some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre- school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better choice for kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre- school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better choice for kids. v. 1
Some people contend that day care centres are the best option for working parents to leave their children for take care, while others insist that close relatives provide the best care of pre-schoolers. This essay will discuss both perspectives on this debatable issue and why I believe that both services have own importance for youngster's well- being in the absence of their guardians. First of all, many full- time working parents do not have time to look after their children. They prefer to leave their kids with grandparents because it is a matter of trust and which can be done more easily with family members than outsiders. So, both infants and parents feel safe when they are looked after by family members. In Indian, For instance, culture most of children are brought up by siblings and close relatives and they have a strong bonding with them. Thus, leaving children with relatives provides not only trust and safety, but also toddler learn to build relationship with others. With regards to day care services, there is no doubt they have well qualified staff and learning environment. Many of the staff members have baby nature skills because they have diplomas in child development. Furthermore, child care services are equipped with a learning environment and children learn many good manners through fun activities. These activities assist them to develop social skills. For example, a recent survey by the United States demonstrated that 65% of the American people prefer to leave their offspring in childcare services. In conclusion, This essay discussed the both aspects of the matter. I think, it depends on the circumstances of the person if one has someone to look after their children, then they must leave with them because they are more trustworthy. Day care centres are the second option.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
contend that day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are the best option for working parents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
, while others insist that close relatives provide the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-schoolers
. This essay will discuss both perspectives on this debatable issue and why I believe that both services have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
importance for youngster's well- being in the absence of their guardians.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
full- time working parents do not have time to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
their kids with grandparents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a matter of trust and which can
be done
more
easily
with family members than outsiders.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, both infants and parents feel safe when they
are looked
after by family members. In Indian,
For instance
, culture most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are brought
up by siblings and close
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
relatives and
they have a strong bonding with them.
Thus
, leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with relatives provides not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
trust and safety,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
toddler learn to build relationship with others.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
services, there is no doubt they have well qualified staff and learning environment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the staff members have baby nature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have diplomas in child development.
Furthermore
, child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
services
are equipped
with a learning environment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manners through fun activities. These activities assist them to develop social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, a recent survey by the United States demonstrated that 65% of the American
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
their offspring in childcare services.

In conclusion
, This essay discussed the both aspects of the matter. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, it depends on the circumstances of the person if one has someone to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
with them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more trustworthy. Day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are the second option.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre- school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better choice for kids. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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