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“In general, the relationship among members of family is looser and looser. What are the causes and effects of this phenomenon? v.1

“In general, the relationship among members of family is looser and looser. What are the causes and effects of this phenomenon? v. 1
It is argued that families nowadays have been isolated than ever before. There are some reasons for this phenomenon such as the parents’ occupation or modern devices and some solutions are recommended to alleviate these effects to get the families closer together. To begin with, there are a variety of reasons why families are not as closer nowadays. Firstly, parents tend to be fully occupied with the work due to the fact that they want to earn a fortune to secure their families’ future. Therefore, they do not have enough time to take care their children even though they really want to. The rapid development of technology is the second reason for this trend. Apart from benefits that cutting- edge devices bring about, it could contribute to the negative effects on family members, especially young people who are often tempted to social network or online games. Gradually, their conversation with other family members is getting rare. Some simple measures should be implemented to deal with these problems to encourage families to be closer. Firstly, family members should spend more their quality time with each other. Family gathering will definitely strengthen their bonds. For example, parents can help their offspring to do homework. Secondly, the family members should have some restriction on using modern techonology, instead they can make effort to talk together. The more they talk, the more likely they become closer. In conclusion, some reasons why families are not so close as they used to be have been identified and some solutions should be adopted to strengthen their relationship. Thus, it is highly recommended that people realize what really matters, and their happiness and time with their families should be regarded as a priority.
It
is argued
that
families
nowadays have
been isolated
than ever
before
. There are
some
reasons
for this phenomenon such as the parents’ occupation or modern devices and
some
solutions
are recommended
to alleviate these effects to
get
the
families
closer together.

To
begin
with, there are a variety of
reasons
why
families
are not as closer nowadays.
Firstly
, parents tend to be
fully
occupied with the work due to the fact that they want to earn a fortune to secure their
families’
future.
Therefore
, they do not have
enough
time to take care their children
even though
they
really
want to. The rapid development of technology is the second
reason
for this trend. Apart from benefits that cutting- edge devices bring about, it could contribute to the
negative
effects on
family
members
,
especially
young
people
who are
often
tempted to social network or online games.
Gradually
, their conversation with other
family
members
is getting rare.

Some
simple measures should
be implemented
to deal with these problems to encourage
families
to be closer.
Firstly
,
family
members
should spend more their quality time with each other.
Family
gathering will definitely strengthen their bonds.
For example
, parents can
help
their offspring to do homework.
Secondly
, the
family
members
should have
some
restriction on using modern
techonology
,
instead
they can
make
effort to talk together. The more they talk, the more likely they become closer.

In conclusion
,
some
reasons
why
families
are not
so
close as they
used
to be
have
been identified
and
some
solutions should
be adopted
to strengthen their relationship.
Thus
, it is
highly
recommended that
people
realize what
really
matters, and their happiness and time with their
families
should
be regarded
as a priority.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay “In general, the relationship among members of family is looser and looser. What are the causes and effects of this phenomenon? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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