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The globalization has brought both advantages and disadvantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The globalization has brought both advantages and disadvantages. v. 1
Sooner or later the entire world will be operating as a single unit, thanks to globalization. In my opinion, I completely agree that globalization has led to some benefits for certain countries, but its drawback are also being suffered by other nations. This essay will discuss the pros and detrimental effects of globalization. To begin with, there are a myriad of advantages that has resulted from globalization and one of the key benefits is that it helps in relieving international tension. In other words, countries who have a history of conflict for various reasons are now putting aside their differences because of the benefits of globalization such as the access of goods and services from other countries. For example, South Korea and North Korea were at war for several years, but they resolved this fight because North Korea had to allow importation of grains and flours from South Korea as a result of famine in their country. This decision from North Korea helped resolve this issue that has lasted for decades. Furthermore, globalization also promotes cultural awareness among people, this makes people to be more friendly to others who are not like them, thereby promoting international peace. On the other hand, the developing countries are experiencing a significant reduction in their workforce because globalization promotes the migration of people in developed countries. In an attempt to make the world a single globe, transportation has become easier for people compared to before because of the visa restrictions. To illustrate this point, visas are no longer required for citizens of certain developing countries when they want to visit developed nations. Although this idea was to encourage globalization, instead it has resulted in a brain drain in a lot of third world countries. Additionally, globalization empowers the so called bigger countries because of their blooming economy, thus allowing them to control the lesser countries by demanding extra money to help them with building of infrastructure. To conclude, despite the increase in the rate of globalization, it is important to note that although globalization helps in eliminating dispute among nations as well as encouraging cultural awareness, it also affects the economy of third world countries.
Sooner or later the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
will be operating as a single unit, thanks to globalization. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that globalization has led to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its drawback are
also
being suffered
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations. This essay will discuss the pros and detrimental effects of globalization.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "myriads"?
myriad
of advantages that has resulted from globalization and one of the key benefits is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in relieving international tension. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who have a history of conflict for various reasons are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
putting aside their differences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the benefits of globalization such as the access of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For example
, South Korea and North Korea were at war for several years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they resolved this fight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
North Korea had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
importation of grains and flours from South Korea
as a result
of famine in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This decision from North Korea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
resolve this issue that has lasted for decades.
Furthermore
, globalization
also
promotes cultural awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more friendly to others who are not like them, thereby promoting international peace.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are experiencing a significant reduction in their workforce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
globalization promotes the migration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In an attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
a single globe, transportation has become easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the visa restrictions. To illustrate this point, visas are no longer required for citizens of certain developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
when they want to visit developed nations. Although this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
was to encourage globalization,
instead
it has resulted in a brain drain in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Additionally
, globalization empowers the
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
so called
bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their blooming economy,
thus
allowing them to control the lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by demanding extra money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with building of infrastructure.

To conclude
, despite the increase in the rate of globalization, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to note that although globalization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in eliminating dispute among nations
as well
as encouraging cultural awareness, it
also
affects the economy of third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The globalization has brought both advantages and disadvantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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