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As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. with this statement? v. 1
There is no doubt that these day societies are falling prey to mass globalization. The question is, will this phenomenon lead to the total of cultural identity? In this essay I am going to discuss the impact of mass communication and transport leading to globalization and the loss of culture. In terms of disadvantages, while globalization promotes the integration of societies and has provided millions of people with new opportunities, it may also bring with it a loss of an uniqueness of the local culture, which in turn can lead to loss of identity, exclusion and even conflict. To illustrate, our own cultural tradition to taking on parents as responsibility in their old age has been taken over by the West’s actions of putting them into Old-Ages homes. In other words, due to the massive exposure through social media and ease of travelling we are forgetting our cultural teachings and adapting the norms of other societies. However, globalization has created many gateways for this generation too. Firstly, losing our cultural identity might not be too bad if the traditions we are dropping have become timeworn. In other words, neglecting customary practices such as not providing equal opportunities to both genders is one of the best outcomes of globalization. Secondly, globalization is a chance for many nations to work together towards a better future. This is because communication has become so prevalent. Also, diversity is inevitable and a part of psychological make-up. In in conclusion, although globalization as its cons, it has created a much more welcoming world for us. Therefore, I believe that globalization is a chance for many nations to transform into a civilized nation with a refreshed system of values and identities.
There is no doubt that these day societies are falling prey to mass globalization. The question is, will this phenomenon lead to the total of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
? In this essay I am going to discuss the impact of mass communication and transport leading to globalization and the loss of culture.

In terms of disadvantages, while globalization promotes the integration of societies and has provided millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with new opportunities, it may
also
bring with it a loss of
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
uniqueness of the local culture, which in turn can lead to loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
, exclusion and even conflict. To illustrate, our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
tradition to taking on parents as responsibility in their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age has
been taken
over by the West’s actions of putting them into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
-Ages homes.
In other words
, due to the massive exposure through social media and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of travelling we are forgetting our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
teachings and adapting the norms of other societies.

However
, globalization has created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
gateways for this generation too.
Firstly
, losing our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
might not be too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
if the traditions we are dropping have become timeworn.
In other words
, neglecting customary practices such as not providing equal opportunities to both genders is one of the best outcomes of globalization.
Secondly
, globalization is a chance for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations to work together towards a better future. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
communication has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
prevalent.
Also
, diversity is inevitable and a part of psychological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
-up.

In
in conclusion
, although globalization as its cons, it has created a much more welcoming world for us.
Therefore
, I believe that globalization is a chance for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations to transform into a civilized nation with a refreshed system of values and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identities
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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