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As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. with this statement? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 2
There is no doubt these days the huge development of transport means leading to globalization problems. The question is, the total loss of cultural identity is caused by globalization or there are other reasons? In this essay, I am going to discuss both views and draw my own conclusion. In terms of the negative side, some of the community believe that interaction with others will lead to forgetting of personal identity. The main reason given to support this claim is that many countries suffer from knowing what they are, they face an enormous number of culture. To illustrate, there are countless nations had this problem, like the USA, which mix of various societies. In other words, the reality of Americans is ambiguous that means the identity is missing. The improvement of transport or other facilities does not always mean good things. However, on the other hand, people feel that the new ways to travel and get easier to new destinations will improve the global. Firstly, mixing with unknown people lead to an open mind and more. In other words, if a person travels from a closed community to more open societies that will result to change the brain to more ways of thinking. Secondly, travelers gain knowledge and learn without feeling that. This is because of the meeting and the adventure they face is acting like lessons. Also, the experience of being knowing new staff results from interaction with others. The ones who confront others can transfer what is his or her learning to the business and so on. In conclusion, although some people want globalization to be reduced, others believe that exchange with the world is beneficial. Therefore I believe that both views are right but, the positive effect of globalization more than the negative side.
There is no doubt these days the huge development of transport means leading to globalization problems. The question is, the total loss of cultural identity
is caused
by globalization or there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reasons? In this essay, I am going to discuss both views and draw my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
conclusion.

In terms of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
community believe that interaction with others will lead to forgetting of personal identity. The main reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to support this claim is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries suffer from knowing what they are, they face an enormous number of culture. To illustrate, there are countless nations had this problem, like the USA, which mix of various societies. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the reality of Americans is ambiguous that means the identity is missing. The improvement of transport or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
facilities does not always mean
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things.

However
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that the new ways to travel and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
easier to new destinations will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the global.
Firstly
, mixing with unknown
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lead to an open mind and more. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, if a person travels from a closed community to more open societies that will result to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the brain to more ways of thinking.
Secondly
, travelers gain knowledge and learn without feeling that. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the meeting and the adventure they face is acting like lessons.
Also
, the experience of
The verb 'knowing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
being knowing
new staff results from interaction with others. The ones who confront others can transfer what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
learning to the business and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want globalization to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, others believe that exchange with the world is beneficial.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I believe that both views are right
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect of globalization more than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. with this statement? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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