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The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What are the solutions to address those problems? v.1

The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What are the solutions to address those problems? v. 1
It is true that the gap between the rich and poor is growing wider in many regions of the world. While the problems that result are complex, fundamental solutions based on expanding education should be adopted to tackle this problem. Increasing levels of poverty and rising wealth inequalities impact on the economic growth of a country and the security of its citizens. In economic terms, the existence of a large mass of unemployed or low-paid workers directly affects domestic businesses, such as local shops and factories. As nobody has money to buy their products, they are themselves forced to close, creating further unemployment. In terms of public security, without the means of obtaining money through work, the poor may turn to crimes such as drug trafficking, prostitution, robbery and violent attacks on others. Youth unemployment has, in particular, been linked with rising crime rates. Governments must, therefore, expand educational opportunities to benefit all their citizens, in order to reduce the gap between rich and poor. The provision of a better standard of schooling in slum areas of cities and in poor rural regions would enable children to reach a higher level of educational attainment. Grants and scholarships could be used to help students to remain in education for longer and gain qualifications. In particular, technical education could be expanded, helping poorer children to learn trades. In construction, engineering, and agriculture, a highly-educated workforce will be needed in the future, and skilled workers will be able to command high salaries and enjoy a decent standard of living. As work opportunities improve, crime rates will fall. Thus, dealing with the problem at its roots, by expanding educational opportunities, the authorities would be able to reduce the gap between the wealthy and poor sectors of society.
It is true that the gap between the rich and
poor
is growing wider in
many
regions of the world. While the problems that result are complex, fundamental solutions based on expanding education should
be adopted
to tackle this problem.

Increasing levels of poverty and rising wealth inequalities impact on the economic growth of a country and the security of its citizens. In economic terms, the existence of a large mass of unemployed or low-paid workers
directly
affects domestic businesses, such as local shops and factories. As nobody has money to
buy
their products, they are themselves forced to close, creating
further
unemployment. In terms of public security, without the means of obtaining money through work, the
poor
may turn to crimes such as drug trafficking, prostitution, robbery and violent attacks on others. Youth unemployment has,
in particular
,
been linked
with rising crime rates.

Governments
must
,
therefore
, expand educational opportunities to benefit all their citizens, in order to
reduce
the gap between rich and
poor
. The provision of a better standard of schooling in slum areas of cities and in
poor
rural regions would enable children to reach a higher level of educational attainment. Grants and scholarships could be
used
to
help
students to remain in education for longer and gain qualifications.
In particular
, technical education could
be expanded
, helping poorer children to learn trades. In construction, engineering, and agriculture, a
highly
-educated workforce will
be needed
in the future, and skilled workers will be able to command high salaries and enjoy a decent standard of living. As work opportunities
improve
, crime rates will fall.

Thus
, dealing with the problem at its roots, by expanding educational opportunities, the authorities would be able to
reduce
the gap between the wealthy and
poor
sectors of society.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What are the solutions to address those problems? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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