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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.49

Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 49
People may vary in their opinions about whether it is highly reasonable for top athletes to be getting paid more than other critical professions. Personally, I strongly support that sports superstars deserve such high incomes. On the one hand, it is unfair for huge earning in sport because some people consider that the amount of money a person makes should be equivalent to the value of service one provides to society. Nevertheless, sports stars’ incomes are not resulted from considering contribution to society a person makes or the level of responsibility he or she holds in contrast to other crucial professions such as top surgeons who perform medical operations to save plenty of precious lives, outstanding research scientists who lead our world to a higher degree of technology and life satisfaction, or even leading politicians who take on the accountability of governing the country. Sports stars’ rewards reflect the public popularity of sport in general and the public support that stars can generate, instead. Therefore, this may not justify such high salaries in sport. On the other hand, there are various reasons why some people accept huge incomes in sport. Firstly, a player who would like to reach the highest level in any kinds of sport must be uniquely talented, leading to a tiny percentage of sports stars. It is infrequent to find a player with the tennis skills of Roger Federer, for instance. Hence, these players deserve incredibly high incomes that reflect their extraordinary abilities. In addition, even the most talented sports player has to undergo a large number of years of training to develop the fitness and skills required. This requires great passion, perseverance, commitment and dedication. Competition is also constant and players are tested every time they perform in their relatively short career. Furthermore, as a result of intense media pressure given to top sports players, their personal lives get overexposed which consequently results in little privacy out of the spotlight. As a result, all of these factors could support the huge earning. In conclusion, although people have different perspectives, I wholeheartedly agree that the amount of money top sports professionals make is highly fair when comparing to other essential professions due to possessing extraordinary ability, being completely dedicated, and suffering from media invasion of the private lives.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may vary in their opinions about whether it is
highly
reasonable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
athletes to be getting paid more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
critical professions.
Personally
, I
strongly
support that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
superstars deserve such high incomes.

On the one hand, it is unfair for huge earning in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that the amount of money a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
should be equivalent to the value of service one provides to society.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars’
incomes are not resulted from considering contribution to society a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
or the level of responsibility he or she holds
in contrast
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
crucial professions such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
surgeons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
perform medical operations to save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of precious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, outstanding research scientists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
lead our world to a higher degree of technology and life satisfaction, or even leading politicians
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
take on the accountability of governing the country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars’
rewards reflect the public popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in general
and the public support that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
can generate,
instead
.
Therefore
, this may not justify such high salaries in sport.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are various reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
accept huge incomes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
Firstly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
would like to reach the highest level in any kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
uniquely
talented, leading to a tiny percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
. It is infrequent to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
with the tennis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of Roger Federer,
for instance
.
Hence
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
deserve
incredibly
high incomes that reflect their extraordinary abilities.
In addition
, even the most talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
undergo
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
years of training to develop the fitness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
required. This requires great passion, perseverance, commitment and dedication. Competition is
also
constant and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
every time they perform in their
relatively
short career.
Furthermore
,
as a result
of intense media pressure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
, their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
overexposed which
consequently
results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
privacy out of the spotlight.
As a result
, all of these factors could support the huge earning.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives, I
wholeheartedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the amount of money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
professionals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
is
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
when comparing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
essential professions due to possessing extraordinary ability, being completely dedicated, and suffering from media invasion of the private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 49

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
381 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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