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The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What are the solutions to address those problems? v.4

The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What are the solutions to address those problems? v. 4
As the world progresses, the class discrimination between 2 classes in the society is getting worse because the rich is more and more wealthy; otherwise, the underprivileged are living on the breadline. This may trigger some severe problems for the economy and social security and they should be taken by the authorities. The widen gap between the poor and the rich will increase the risk of social discontentment and economic crisis. Firstly, because of unequal distribution of wealth, people who come from disadvantaged background often perceive that the wealthier are preventing them from occupational and service opportunities. They properly instill a sense of depression, which can cause high rate of crime commitment and threaten social order. Secondly, as for the economic aspect, the income inequality is closely linked with economic crisis. For example, the USA witnessed a great downturn in GDP of American citizens in 2008 due to the high rate of unemployment and unequal distribution of wealth. It is clearly that the wider the class gap between upper class and lower class is, the worse the economy becomes. Fortunately, several initiatives can be taken to address these 2 pressing issues. On the one hand, the government should impose higher taxes on the rich and then use that revenue properly to alleviate poverty. This is of great importance because the amount of income tax from wealthy individuals and institutes will contribute greatly to state budget thereby welfare policies such as unemployment benefit and poverty alleviation programs can be implemented. On the other hand, social security should also be tightened to prevent the disadvantaged from extreme or illegal actions because they are usually tempted by extremists with some money to cause terror or commit crime. In conclusion, the acceleration of crime rate and economic chaos are significant consequences of the wide socioeconomic gap and appropriate steps should be taken to tackle the problems.
As the world progresses, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
discrimination between 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
in the society is getting worse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the rich is more and more wealthy;
otherwise
, the underprivileged are living on the breadline. This may trigger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
severe problems for the economy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
security and
they should
be taken
by the authorities.

After 'The', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'widen' is correct. If 'widen' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
The widen
gap between the poor and the rich will increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
discontentment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
crisis.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unequal distribution of wealth,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from disadvantaged background
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
perceive that the wealthier are preventing them from occupational and service opportunities. They
properly
instill a sense of depression, which can cause high rate of crime commitment and threaten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
order.
Secondly
, as for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
aspect, the income inequality is
closely
linked with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
crisis.
For example
, the USA witnessed a great downturn in GDP of American citizens in 2008 due to the high rate of unemployment and unequal distribution of wealth. It is
clearly
that the wider the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
gap between upper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is, the worse the economy becomes.

Fortunately
, several initiatives can
be taken
to address these 2 pressing issues. On the one hand, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose higher taxes on the rich and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that revenue
properly
to alleviate poverty. This is of great importance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the amount of income tax from wealthy individuals and institutes will contribute
greatly
to state budget thereby welfare policies such as unemployment benefit and poverty alleviation programs can
be implemented
.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
security should
also
be tightened
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the disadvantaged from extreme or illegal actions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
usually
tempted by extremists with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money to cause terror or commit crime.

In conclusion
, the acceleration of crime rate and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
chaos are significant consequences of the wide socioeconomic gap and appropriate steps should
be taken
to tackle the problems.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What are the solutions to address those problems? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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