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The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as poor people become poorer and rich people become richer. What problems could this situations casue? ? what are the solutions to address those problems? ? v.1

The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as poor people become poorer and rich people become richer. What problems could this situations casue? ? what are the solutions to address those problems? ? v. 1
A great deal distances have been emerging between affluent and indigent, such as luxuriant become more opulent and, however, destitute become more impoverished gradually in our society. It is said to be the prime problems are crime rate and domination of social leader will increase and the fundamental solutions can be based on expanding education nationwide and ensuring balance between humans. Numerous individuals who detect a number of problems claim that the asymmetry of persons is a serious problem in the world. Firstly, When one kind of community will be deprived of the economic opportunity, namely, needed money, job, then they will commit heinous works wittingly in society as they are deplorable. Secondly, those who are controller of society will take the advantage of the unbalancing. They will be imperious against wreathed groups and they will also compel the dominants to hurt other people, to imperil others. For example, in Bangladesh, most offences are occurring by penniless people ordered by the social domineering leader. To solve those problems, however, the government should have vanguard role. First of all, Primary education along with some economic terms should be obligatory for every citizen to be insightful concerning their civil rights and economic freedom. Then, the ruling party should distribute wealth equally throughout the country to secure that everyone will obtain his corporeal needs, daily necessities very much. For example, China enacted some laws as to equalizing between people and providing wealth every person according to their demands and to implement the codes, several stern punishments are declared. To conclude, the essay discussed as to why the aloofness between rich and impecunious are augmenting recently and provide some problems, including the predominant attitude of some social rulers, crimes proportion and mention some solutions such as pervading education and distributing resource carefully.
A great deal distances have been emerging between affluent and indigent, such as luxuriant become more opulent and,
however
, destitute become more impoverished
gradually
in our society. It
is said
to be the prime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are crime rate and domination of social leader will increase and the fundamental solutions can
be based
on expanding education nationwide and ensuring balance between humans.

Numerous individuals who detect a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
claim that the asymmetry of persons is a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in the world.
Firstly
, When one kind of community will
be deprived
of the economic opportunity,
namely
, needed money, job, then they will commit heinous works
wittingly
in society as they are deplorable.
Secondly
, those who are controller of society will take the advantage of the unbalancing. They will be imperious against wreathed
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
groups and
they will
also
compel the dominants to hurt other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, to imperil others.
For example
, in Bangladesh, most
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
are occurring by penniless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
ordered by the social domineering leader.

To solve those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
however
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should have vanguard role.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, Primary education along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
economic terms should be obligatory for every citizen to be insightful concerning their civil rights and economic freedom. Then, the ruling party should distribute wealth
equally
throughout the country to secure that everyone will obtain his corporeal needs, daily necessities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much.
For example
, China enacted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
laws as to equalizing between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and providing wealth every person according to their demands and to implement the codes, several stern punishments
are declared
.

To conclude
, the essay discussed as to why the aloofness between rich and impecunious are augmenting recently and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, including the predominant attitude of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social rulers, crimes proportion and mention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions such as pervading education and distributing resource
carefully
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as poor people become poorer and rich people become richer. What problems could this situations casue? ? what are the solutions to address those problems? ? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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