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Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of their own country than of other countries. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of their own country than of other countries. v. 3
People always argue that our own literature must be given the first priority and its significance must be taught more to the children rather than that of other countries. Indeed, I agree with this viewpoint that by learning our past, a young generation will gain more knowledge about various things. Firstly, by learning the literary works of their own nation, children can have an idea about what their place is, the details about great leaders, their good works besides they will also know the importance of monuments built and the significance of festivals. However, there were many unknown leaders, movements and many artistic works that is hidden from the outside world, and through the education we could teach the young adults about all these. For instance, young adults know the reason for celebrating the Independence Day about Mahatma Gandhi, Jawaharlal Nehru, but previously there were many freedom fighters, who waged many battles with the Britishers and trying to drive them away from our country and this is untold to the children. On the other hand, the history books of the present are having a mixture of unnecessary details about the world wars, cold wars and importance of other countries monuments and structure. For example, in my history book there were 10 chapters out of which 6 were related to world wars, cold war, the Chinese revolution and also about the Russian revolution. Moreover, information about Indian history, freedom fighters and battles waged were very less, just a 4 lines paragraph. Although, having a view about other country’s achievements will not harm these young ones, but still the education system’s foremost preference must be given to their own country’s culture. In conclusion, it would be nice if the youngsters gain more awareness about the literary works of their own nation and an equal prominence can be given to other cultures also.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
always argue that our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
literature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the
first
priority and its significance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
more to the children
rather
than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Indeed
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint that by learning our past, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation will gain more knowledge about various things.

Firstly
, by learning the literary works of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nation, children can have an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about what their place is, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about great leaders, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
works
besides
they will
also
know the importance of monuments built and the significance of festivals.
However
, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unknown leaders, movements and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
artistic works that
is hidden
from the outside world, and through the education we could teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults about all these.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults know the reason for celebrating the Independence Day about Mahatma Gandhi,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jawaharlal
Nehru,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
previously there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
freedom fighters, who waged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
battles with the Britishers and trying to drive them away from our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and this is untold to the children.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the history books of the present are having a mixture of unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
and importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
monuments and structure.
For example
, in my history book there were 10 chapters out of which 6
were related
to world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
, the Chinese revolution and
also
about the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Russian revolution
.
Moreover
, information about Indian history, freedom fighters and battles waged were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a 4 lines paragraph. Although, having a view about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
achievements will not harm these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
the education system’s foremost preference
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
culture.

In conclusion
, it would be nice if the youngsters gain more awareness about the literary works of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nation and an equal prominence can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures
also
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of their own country than of other countries. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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