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Some say that people working in different job roles should get different amount of holiday time. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and examples from your own experience. v.1

Some say that people working in different job roles should get different amount of holiday time. Give your opinion and examples from your own experience. v. 1
These days, modern people are willing to take more holidays than before. In this regard, while many people believe that the quantity of holiday time should be fixed for the whole members of the society, others feel that some employees can take only a few days off for the relaxation. After pondering this phenomenon, personally, I believe that all people should take an equal vacation period. On the one hand, it is true that in order to prevent any public discontent, authorities should distribute time for a vacation equally. Due to inequality and dishonest, these activities by the government can lead to the public demonstrations and meetings. However, governmental bodies can make an exception for the people whose job is essential for the whole society. For example, doctors, fire fighters and minors play a crucial role in the economic development. Consequently, they cannot have the same period of the holidays as other citizens. However, they should be paid extra bonuses and increments in these days. On the other hand, many people are keen to think that the same quantity of the holiday may not be suitable for the staff. The reason for this is the complexity of the works. To illustrate, administrative and intellectual jobs require a lot of energy and effort. As a result, they should take longer days for the reconstitution. Moreover, full-time workers also should take more days than part-time works. In conclusion, although many individuals are reckoned to think that there are should be different holidays for employees, personally, in my opinion, each individual should have a same amount of period of relaxation, especially in the days of general public holidays such as Independence Day and Christmas.
These days, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to take more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. In this regard, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
time should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
for the whole members of the society, others feel that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employees can take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few days off for the relaxation. After pondering this phenomenon,
personally
, I believe that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take an equal vacation period.

On the one hand, it is true that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any public discontent, authorities should distribute time for a vacation
equally
. Due to inequality and dishonest, these activities by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can lead to the public demonstrations and meetings.
However
, governmental bodies can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an exception for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whose job is essential for the whole society.
For example
, doctors, fire fighters and minors play a crucial role in the economic development.
Consequently
, they cannot have the same period of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
as other citizens.
However
, they should
be paid
extra bonuses and increments in these days.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the same quantity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
may not be suitable for the staff.
The reason for this is
the complexity of the works. To illustrate, administrative and intellectual jobs require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
energy and effort.
As a result
, they should take longer days for the reconstitution.
Moreover
, full-time workers
also
should take more days than part-time works.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
are reckoned
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
for employees,
personally
, in my opinion, each individual should have a same amount of period of relaxation,
especially
in the days of
Consider using "public".
general public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
such as Independence Day and Christmas.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that people working in different job roles should get different amount of holiday time. Give your opinion and examples from your own experience. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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