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The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich is becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap? v.6

The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich is becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap? v. 6
In this day and age, the gap between affluent and destitute is becoming increasingly wider. This surging wave of differences among people leads to some problems, which are elucidated below. However, these are not an insurmountable problem if the government takes some suitable measure. The most significant problem is that the rent of crime will increase because in wretched families both parents should work outdoor and cannot pay enough attention to their children. As a result, these kids will grow up in an improper way and almost all of them are serious dangers for society in the future. In addition, these poor families always think that wealthy families spoil their rights and so they want to revenge with theft or harshness from them. The next problem in this situation is that illiteracy will be common since needy cannot afford the cost of education. Therefore, their future becomes blurred as they do not get a quality education. This deprivation (lack of education) causes their tendency to lawlessness and violence become more. While that the problems mention above, there are some solutions that can be taken to reduce the problems. Firstly, governments should impose a heavy tax for affluent persons and spend these gain money for improving the destitute lives. Also, governments can prepare the facilities of education, free of charge for poor children. In conclusion, today it is apparent that the gap between poor and wealthy is dramatic. However, this situation should not ignore, because it creates some serious such as surging rate of crime and illiteracy. The government can reduce this gap with some proper measures by taking prudent decisions.
In this day and age, the gap between affluent and destitute is becoming
increasingly
wider. This surging wave of differences among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
leads
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, which
are elucidated
below.
However
, these are not an insurmountable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suitable measure.

The most significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that the rent of crime will increase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in wretched families both parents should work outdoor and cannot pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
attention to their children.
As a result
, these kids will grow up
Consider replacing "in an improper way" with the adverb for "improper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an improper way
and almost all of them are serious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
for society in the future.
In addition
, these poor families always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that wealthy families spoil their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
rights and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they want to revenge with theft or harshness from them.

The
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in this situation is that illiteracy will be common since needy cannot afford the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Therefore
, their future becomes blurred as they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This deprivation (lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education)
causes their tendency to lawlessness and violence become more.

While that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
mention above, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions that can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should impose a heavy tax for affluent persons and spend these gain money for improving the destitute
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can prepare the facilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, free of charge for poor children.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
it is apparent that the gap between poor and wealthy is dramatic.
However
, this situation should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious such as surging rate of crime and illiteracy. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this gap with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proper measures by taking prudent decisions.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich is becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap? v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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