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The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich is becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap? v.1

The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich is becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap? v. 1
There is no doubt that the gap present clearly today between the poor and the rich is getting wider by time and is affecting our way of life. That was only observed in the past in some communities where the wealth of a country was restricted to a few powerful and connected people. They used to own more than eighty percent of the resources and income, while the rest is barely enough for the common people. Nowadays, the difference is significant but not limited to the societies finest. The society is divided into groups, the rich, the poor and the few managing to enjoy some of the rich benefits but struggling to keep this level, they are bouncing between the limits of each of the other groups. As a result of today's situation, a broadband of the poor are striving to get a fair share of prosperity with no actual hope, the fabric of the society is getting weaker and therefore each group is more colonised to itself forming new habits and customs. Bridging this gap can only be done if equality was achieved in the basic needs like education and healthcare. If an acceptable ease was managed for the common people in their daily routines like public transportations and business facilities, that would also be helpful. There must be transparent laws to manage the use of the wealth and the equality of sharing it and monitor any possible corruption. The sense of equal opportunity has to be delivered and believed by all people. Briefly, no community can prosper and evolve safely unless the gaps are bridged between people at all aspects giving a fair chance to everyone to live in comfort if they worked reasonably hard to achieve it.
There is no doubt that the gap present
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
between the poor and the rich is getting wider by time and is affecting our way of life.

That was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
observed in the past in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
communities where the wealth of a country
was restricted
to a few powerful and connected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
more than eighty percent of the resources and income, while the rest is
barely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Nowadays, the difference is significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not limited to the societies finest. The society
is divided
into groups, the rich, the poor and the few managing to enjoy
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
rich benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
this level, they are bouncing between the limits of each of the other groups.

As a result
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's situation, a broadband of the poor are striving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
share of prosperity with no actual hope, the fabric of the society is getting weaker and
therefore
each group is more
Possible spelling mistake. 'colonised' is British English.
colonised
to itself forming new habits and customs. Bridging this gap can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be done
if equality
was achieved
in the basic needs like education and healthcare. If an acceptable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
was managed
for the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their daily routines like public transportations and business facilities, that would
also
be helpful. There
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be transparent laws to manage the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the wealth and the equality of sharing it and monitor any possible corruption. The sense of equal opportunity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be delivered
and believed by all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Briefly
, no community can prosper and evolve
safely
unless the gaps
are bridged
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at all aspects giving a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
chance to everyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in comfort if they worked
reasonably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve it.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich is becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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