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Nowadays people live in the society where consumer goods are cheaper to buy. Do you think its advantages outweigh disadvantages? v.3

Nowadays people live in the society where consumer goods are cheaper to buy. Do you think its advantages outweigh disadvantages? v. 3
Today's era is significantly advanced than that of the past and availability of cheap consumer products attracts people to buy things more frequently than ever before. Even though the living standard of people has improved with this, I feel that the demerits of this trend cannot be overlooked. On one hand, as a result of globalisation people can access the national and the international products at an affordable price. For instance, new gadgets such as Android cell phones are available in the market at an acceptable price that everyone can afford. In a sense, the widespread use of such technological devices has improved the way we communicate but this is also creating a throwaway society. The gap between the rich and poor has narrowed in terms of their ability to purchase consumer products. Living standard has improved and basic needs are easily met these days and more people have the opportunities to select from more options. As a result, people are purchasing things that do not even need. A single person has multiple cell phones and they are busy all day with their cell phones and internet. Thus people are becoming less social. The technology changes rapidly and thus people need to change the model of a product within few months. The amount of wastage created from these electronic devices is a matter of great concern. Cheaper price of cars and motorbikes are the primary reason for traffic congestion and the habit of purchasing products that people do not really need is a very bad trend. On the other hand, due to the cheaply available goods, a newer trend of material possession has emerged. Nowadays people consider this as their status symbol. For example, people who possess the branded gadgets or latest cars earn a respectable position in the society and this is a degradation of morality and social value. In addition, this trend leads to a throwaway culture and the amount of trash produced each day is increased dangerously. As a result environmental pollution is irreversible. Moreover, cheap availability of products motivates people to consume the unwanted products. Last but not the least, most of the technologies used for developing cost effective products are harmful to human health and human life is jeopardised. Taking everything into consideration, availability of consumer products at an affordable price is a  positive trend as it helps people to lead a better life. However, the negative sides of this trend cannot be forgotten. Social, personal and environmental problems are ever increasing due to this and it might be a serious threat for the future generation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's era is
significantly
advanced than that of the past and availability of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
attracts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things more
frequently
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Even though
the living standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
with this, I feel that the demerits of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
cannot
be overlooked
.

On one hand,
as a result
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can access the national and the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
at an affordable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
.
For instance
, new gadgets such as Android cell phones are available in the market at an acceptable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
that everyone can afford. In a sense, the widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such technological devices has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the way we communicate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is
also
creating a throwaway society. The gap between the rich and poor has narrowed in terms of their ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Living standard has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
and basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
are
easily
met these days and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the opportunities to select from more options.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are purchasing things that do not even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
. A single person has multiple cell
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
phones and
they are busy all day with their cell phones and internet.
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming less social. The technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
rapidly
and
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the model of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
within few months. The amount of wastage created from these electronic devices is a matter of great concern. Cheaper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of cars and motorbikes are the primary reason for traffic congestion and the habit of purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
trend.

On the other hand
, due to the
cheaply
available
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, a newer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
of material possession has emerged. Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider this as their status symbol.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who possess the branded gadgets or latest cars earn a respectable position in the society and this is a degradation of morality and social value.
In addition
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
leads to a throwaway culture and the amount of trash produced each day
is increased
dangerously
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result environmental pollution is irreversible.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to consume the unwanted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, most of the technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for developing cost effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are harmful to human health and human life is
Possible spelling mistake. 'jeopardised' is British English.
jeopardised
.

Taking everything into consideration, availability of consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
at an affordable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
is a
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lead a better life.
However
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
cannot
be forgotten
. Social, personal and environmental problems are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
due to this and it might be a serious threat for the future generation.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Nowadays people live in the society where consumer goods are cheaper to buy. Do you think its advantages outweigh disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
431 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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