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The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich is becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap? v.3

The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich is becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap? v. 3
It is true that nowadays the difference between the wealthy and the poor is increasing: the wealth is growing, while the poor are going deeper into debts. We must acknowledge that life for some categories of the population is extremely hard. It does not mean that they are people who have never worked in life or those with anti-social behaviour like drug or alcohol addicted. I read in "Gold Coast Bulletin" that 700 households in Queensland had been disconnected from electricity in the past 3 months because they had not been able to pay the bills. It is true that it is more complicated for these citizens to survive and adopt, as the cost of living is unreasonably high. On the other hand, 1% of Earth’s population owns as much money as the rest 99%, which is absolutely unfair. I doubt that all of them have inherited their wealth or have been working hard for decades. The names of two wealthiest families –the Rothschilds and the Rockefellers are known to everybody. The ways of getting such enormous sums are not always legal, but the society prefers to ignore such facts. Moreover, these people do not only live in multi-million mansions, drive luxurious cars, eat in sophisticated restaurants, but they constantly show off their money, which many people find offensive and irritating. Instead of spending a fortune on useless things, why are not they involved in charity more? If they have billions of dollars and do not know what else to purchase to attract others' attention, why do not their share a half of their wealth? They will not become poorer, while the lives of less lucky ones can be transformed, and these people can at least get a chance.   The whole society would benefit because of that as the crime level would descend. Overall, the gap between the rich and the poor is becoming more dramatic, if the Governments do not take immediate actions, it is going to grow in future as well.
It is true that nowadays the difference between the wealthy and the poor is increasing: the wealth is growing, while the poor are going deeper into debts.

We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
acknowledge that life for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
categories of the population is
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. It does not mean that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have never worked in life or those with anti-social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
like drug or alcohol addicted. I read in
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Gold Coast Bulletin
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
that 700 households in Queensland had
been disconnected
from electricity in the past 3 months
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they had not been able to pay the bills. It is true that it is more complicated for these citizens to survive and adopt, as the cost of living is
unreasonably
high.

On the other hand
, 1% of Earth’s population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
as much money as the rest 99%, which is
absolutely
unfair. I doubt that all of them have inherited their wealth or have been working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for decades. The names of two wealthiest families –the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rothschilds
and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rockefellers
are known
to everybody. The ways of getting such enormous sums are not always legal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the society prefers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
such facts.

Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in multi-million mansions, drive luxurious cars, eat in sophisticated restaurants,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
constantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off their money, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find offensive and irritating.
Instead
of spending a fortune on useless things, why are not they involved in charity more? If they have billions of dollars and do not know what else to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
to attract others' attention, why do not their share a half of their wealth? They will not become poorer, while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of less lucky ones can
be transformed
, and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can at least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
The whole society would benefit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that as the crime level would descend.

Overall
, the gap between the rich and the poor is becoming more dramatic, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
do not take immediate actions, it is going to grow in future
as well
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich is becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
334 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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