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The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich is becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap? v.2

The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich is becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap? v. 2
The amount of income of people is always an important topic in social sciences. Equilibrium of society depends on how this income is shared among the people. Sadly, with the start of the 1950s, the gap between poor and rich has become wider and nowadays this gap has reached its peak point. The reason of this situation is the structure of our business system we have constructed over years. This economic model is called ‘Capitalism’. Needless to say, the word Capitalism is the derivative of Capital and obliviously, one who has capital has the chance to improve his business and obtain welfare. On the other hand, poor guys are less likely to build a business because of the absence of capital. One of the ugliest results of this system is that this system makes people simply greedy. The community has started to think true happiness can be reached only with more money. Another problem we face in this system is consumerism which means to have a good stable mood it is obligatory to consume more and more. In future, if this economic model preserves itself, it can lead to anarchy which may results disasters and deaths of many innocents. To improve our lives, to beat this endless unhappiness, we should teach our children the importance of social justice. This problem is not going to be solved in following several years. In the long run, we should change the way how we understand about life. We must alter the roots and dynamics of our community. Nevertheless, we should preserve our hope because human being had solved much more difficult problems in the history. There is a great number of people who are aware of this problem. A modern social and economic structure should be formed to address this issue. The government policy to help the poor should be more emphasised and education in a country should be free so that poor people can make their children educated. This educational opportunity can play a huge role to mitigate this eminent gap. In conclusion, the social and economic formation and revolutionary changed in current capitalism is required to eliminate the gap between the poor and rich. More than three-fourth of wealth is owned by only 15% of the total population in the world. This is an unfair distribution and if not addressed carefully would only create chaos in the future.
The amount of income of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is always an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
topic in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
sciences. Equilibrium of society depends on how this income
is shared
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Sadly
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of the 1950s, the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and rich has become wider and nowadays this gap has reached its peak point.

The reason of this situation is the structure of our business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
we have constructed over years. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
model
is called
‘Capitalism’. Needless to say, the word Capitalism is the derivative of Capital and
obliviously
, one who has capital has the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his business and obtain welfare.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
guys are less likely to build a business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the absence of capital. One of the ugliest results of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
simply
greedy. The community has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
true happiness can
be reached
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with more money. Another problem we face in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is consumerism which means to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stable mood it is obligatory to consume more and more.
Did you mean: "In the future"?
In future
, if this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
model preserves itself, it can lead to anarchy which may results disasters and deaths of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
innocents.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, to beat this endless unhappiness, we should teach our children the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
justice. This problem is not going to
be solved
in following several years. In the long run, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way how we understand about life. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
alter the roots and dynamics of our community.
Nevertheless
, we should preserve our hope
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
human
being had
solved much more difficult problems in the history. There is a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are aware of this problem.

A modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
structure should
be formed
to address this issue. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
policy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
should be more
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasised' is British English.
emphasised
and education in a country should be free
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their children educated. This educational opportunity can play a huge role to mitigate this eminent gap.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
formation and revolutionary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
capitalism
is required
to eliminate the gap between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and rich. More than three-fourth of wealth is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15% of the total population in the world. This is an unfair distribution and if not addressed
carefully
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
create chaos in the future.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich is becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
397 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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