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The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich is becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap? v.5

The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich is becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap? v. 5
It is true that nowadays rich people are getting even richer and poor people have become poorer especially in developing countries. This situation has presented a wide variety of problems to the community and it has negatively affected a country's developments. To tackle these problems I believe that governments and authorities should take necessary steps and implement laws to improve the living standards of financially poor people. To begin with, studies have shown that poverty and crimes are correlated owing to the fact that people are committing crimes for earning a living. Furthermore, children's of poorer parents are often not able to access higher education even they may have talents in their studies. As a result, they are not hired for a wealthy job. This means that probably they will live their lives under uncomfortable circumstances and poverty. That will present uncertainty in one country. Moreover, the public health of one country would be deteriorated if people in one country are living in extreme poverty. To tackle these worrying concerns governments should need to do more works for minimising the gap between poorer people and richer people. Firstly, governments should provide financial support for people who are living under uncomfortable financial circumstances. Secondly, governments should ensure the quality of education to all of their citizens. That will definitely help to reduce the poverty as well as increasing the living standards of financially poor families. Finally, developed countries should take more responsibility and efforts to eradicate poverty from the world. These efforts already have been seen in some African countries and that have helped many people to increase their living standards. To conclude I believe that we as a human everyone has rights to get an access to the education and a quality life. In addition, education is the most useful weapon to fight against poverty. In this sense, governments should ensure a quality of education to all of their citizens. That will certainly help to reduce the gap between richer and poorer people.
It is true that nowadays rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting even richer and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
especially
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This situation has presented a wide variety of problems to the community and it has
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
a country's developments. To tackle these problems I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and authorities should take necessary steps and implement laws to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standards of
financially
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
and crimes
are correlated
owing to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are committing crimes for earning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
.
Furthermore
, children's of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
parents are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
not able to access higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
even they may have talents in their studies.
As a result
, they are not hired for a wealthy job. This means that
probably
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
under uncomfortable circumstances and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
. That will present uncertainty in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Moreover
, the public health of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would
be deteriorated
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in extreme poverty.

To tackle these worrying concerns
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should need to do more works for
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimising' is British English.
minimising
the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should provide financial support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
under uncomfortable financial circumstances.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should ensure the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to all of their citizens. That will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
as well
as increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standards of
financially
poor families.
Finally
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should take more responsibility and efforts to eradicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
from the world. These efforts already have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and that have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to increase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standards.

To conclude
I believe that we as a human everyone has rights to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and a quality life.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the most useful weapon to fight against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
. In this sense,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should ensure a quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to all of their citizens. That will
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the gap between richer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich is becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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