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Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.10

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. v. 10
The majority of people may consider one question, whether they will work in the same enterprise for all their career or not when they get hired for the very first time. In fact, considering all the factors in every perspective and listening to suggestions given from veterans would be dominant actions before making any decisions. For those who work for the same organization may have the advantage of a thorough understanding of the working environment and working standard that supervisors would be satisfied with. Also, they may be familiar with colleagues that are good of both making outstanding cooperation and reach mutual consensus during the procedure. In addition, they may get more opportunities for promotions and even more pension after retirement. As for the companies' owner, there's a high likelihood that they think this sort of employees are more loyal and trusted. However, working at the same place may cause the problem of lacking working variety. On the contrary, people work for different occasions wouldn't have this problem, though. Apart from doing various types of works, they may also have chances to work with colleagues who hold different personalities. Therefore, they can gain more working experiences and increase their connections with people. I remembered that one of my friends told me about her journey to finding jobs. Initially, she was quite happy with being hired in a small company were employees owned plenty of free time and working spaces while paying with appropriate wages. After working for several years with high efficiency, one of her supervisors saw her potentials and recommended her to another international enterprise. She took the advice and transferred to the large scale corporation. She was quite struggling with the small working environment at first. Subsequently, she realized that this company has better welfare for workers and opportunities for meeting up with clients from different countries as well as the chances to go for retraining in affiliated companies around the world without spending huge amounts of money. In a nutshell, by changing working places you can learn things from different people, step out of your comfort zone, enhance your adaptability, and extend your visions. From my perspective, it's better to work for different enterprises once you are a well-planning person.
The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may consider one question, whether they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the same enterprise for all their career or not when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hired for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
time. In fact, considering all the factors in every perspective and listening to suggestions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
from veterans would be dominant actions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making any decisions.

For those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the same organization may have the advantage of a thorough understanding of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
standard that supervisors would
be satisfied
with.
Also
, they may be familiar with colleagues that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
of both making outstanding cooperation and reach mutual consensus during the procedure.
In addition
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more opportunities for promotions and even more pension after retirement. As for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
' owner, there's a high likelihood that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this sort of employees
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
more loyal and trusted.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at the same place may cause the problem of lacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
variety.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
occasions wouldn't have this problem, though. Apart from doing various types of works, they may
also
have chances to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with colleagues who hold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
personalities.
Therefore
, they can gain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
experiences and increase their connections with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I remembered that one of my friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me about her journey to finding jobs.
Initially
, she was quite happy with
being hired
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
were employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of free time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
spaces while paying with appropriate wages. After
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for several years with high efficiency, one of her supervisors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
her potentials and recommended her to another international enterprise. She took the advice and transferred to the large scale corporation. She was quite struggling with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment at
first
.
Subsequently
, she realized that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
has better welfare for workers and opportunities for meeting up with clients from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
countries
as well
as the chances to go for retraining in affiliated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
around the world without spending huge amounts of money.

In a nutshell, by changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
places you can learn things from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, step out of your comfort zone, enhance your adaptability, and extend your visions. From my perspective, it's better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
enterprises once you are a well-planning person.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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