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The gap between rich and poor growing. What problem it creates? and what can be done to tackle them? v.1

The gap between rich and poor growing. What problem it creates? and what can be done to tackle them? v. 1
In the modern world, many citizen concerns about the gap between rich and poor people. In this reason, many individuals are willing to solve this problem as soon as possible. Otherwise, it can lead to many challenges for the authorities, such as unequal distribution of welfare, social assistance of poor people and discrimination. Nowadays, it is true that the rupture between wealthy and destitute people can create many problems. Firstly, this breaking can lead to the increasing of crime rate, as many destitute individuals can commit the crime because of their poor condition and lack of social justice. Secondly, these changes can bring a corruption. To illustrate, many wealthy individuals can bribe the authorities in order to maintain their well-being and business. Thirdly, it can create some obstacles for poor people, as there are not equal opportunities for both rich and destitute people. On the other hand, the government can tackle these problems. Firstly, they should motivate indigent people to do a business, as if they continue to work for affluent people, they cannot earn money for themselves. In other words, government subsidizing for their business is essential. Secondly, heavy taxes for the big companies can alleviate the situation. To illustrate, many developed countries tax private companies very strictly, Countries such as UK, Germany and France have very heavy taxes, and their percentage can be more than 60% of companies’ annual profit. In conclusion, the rupture between rich and indigent people should be reduced, because these can create many obstacles for the government as well as for the ordinary people. However, subsidizing the small businesses and taxing the big companies can alleviate the situation.
In the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizen concerns about the gap between rich and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In this reason,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals are willing to solve this problem as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
Otherwise
, it can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges for the authorities, such as unequal distribution of welfare, social assistance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and discrimination.

Nowadays, it is true that the rupture between wealthy and destitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems.
Firstly
, this breaking can lead to the increasing of crime rate, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
destitute individuals can commit the crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
condition and lack of social justice.
Secondly
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
can bring a corruption. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wealthy individuals can bribe the authorities in order to maintain their well-being and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
Thirdly
, it can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obstacles for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, as there are not equal opportunities for both rich and destitute
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can tackle these problems.
Firstly
, they should motivate indigent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, as if they continue to work for affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they cannot earn money for themselves.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
subsidizing for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is essential.
Secondly
, heavy taxes for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can alleviate the situation. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
tax private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strictly
, Countries such as UK, Germany and France have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
heavy taxes, and their percentage can be more than 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies’
annual profit.

In conclusion
, the rupture between rich and indigent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obstacles for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as well
as for the ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, subsidizing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
and taxing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can alleviate the situation.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The gap between rich and poor growing. What problem it creates? and what can be done to tackle them? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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