Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The first chart below shows then umber of airline crew(pilots, stewards etc) needed to fly a passenger plane between Australia and a number of other countries. The second chart shows the number of passenger complaints per plane journey made on these route v.1

The first chart below shows then umber of airline crew(pilots, stewards etc) needed to fly a passenger plane between Australia and a number of other countries. The second chart shows the number of passenger complaints per plane journey made on these route v. 1
While I agree that the computers are one of the greatest discovery of the previous century, I believe that there are many other valuable developments like invention of antibiotics, automobiles and the internet, those made significant changes in global history. On the one hand, discovery of computers leads to various new developments because it acted as a predisposing factor for many other technical innovations. In other words, it helped to develop advanced medical diagnostic equipment such as ultrasound scanning and tomography, which later helped doctors to diagnose and treat dreadful disease like cancer and tumours. As a result the mortality rate is significantly reduced and life expectancy ameliorated. A study, for instance, conducted by WHO found that advanced computerized diagnostic measures declined death rate of cancer patients to a half the number in the last 5 decades in the UK. On the other hand, there are numerous other valuable inventions, which made historical improvements in human's life during the same time period. Firstly, the invention of penicillin, the first antibiotic, that helped in treating a plethora of bacterial infections. This meant that an effective treatment of infectious disease: flues and loose stools, those identified as the primary cause of infant mortality, became curable with penicillin drugs. Secondly, development of automobiles bought ample benefits of the global economy because it made transportation of raw materials easier that enhanced industrial developments. This meant that, goods trains are more efficient and economical than road transportation since it can transfer huge amounts of goods within a short span of time. Finally, the internet is another precious invention that made computers more efficient than ever. This innovation made communication much easier; development of e-mail facilities and advanced computing technology helps in industrial progression. For example, a study conducted by the London business school found that use of internet doubled the profits of industries in Europe during the 20th century. In conclusion, although I believe that computers are a major invention of the previous 10 decades, I feel that the innovations of penicillin, automobiles and the internet are also have equal significance in the last century.
While I
agree
that the computers are one of the greatest discovery of the previous century, I believe that there are
many
other
valuable
developments
like invention of antibiotics, automobiles and the internet, those made significant
changes
in global history.

On the one hand, discovery of computers leads to various new
developments
because
it acted as a predisposing factor for
many
other
technical innovations. In
other
words, it
helped
to develop advanced medical diagnostic equipment such as ultrasound scanning and tomography, which later
helped
doctors to diagnose and treat dreadful disease like cancer and
tumours
.
As a result
the mortality rate is
significantly
reduced
and life expectancy ameliorated. A study,
for instance
, conducted by WHO found that advanced computerized diagnostic measures declined death rate of cancer patients to a half the number in the last 5 decades in the UK.

On the
other
hand, there are numerous
other
valuable inventions, which made historical improvements in human's life during the same time period.
Firstly
, the invention of penicillin, the
first
antibiotic, that
helped
in treating a plethora of bacterial infections. This meant that an effective treatment of infectious disease: flues and loose stools, those identified as the primary cause of infant mortality, became curable with penicillin drugs.
Secondly
,
development
of automobiles
bought
ample benefits of the global economy
because
it made transportation of raw materials easier that enhanced industrial
developments
. This meant that,
goods
trains are more efficient and economical than road transportation since it can transfer huge amounts of
goods
within a short span of time.
Finally
, the internet is another precious invention that made computers more efficient than ever. This innovation made communication much easier;
development
of e-mail facilities and advanced computing technology
helps
in industrial progression.
For example
, a study conducted by the London business school found that
use
of internet doubled the profits of industries in Europe during the 20th century.

In conclusion
, although I believe that computers are a major invention of the previous 10 decades, I feel that the innovations of penicillin, automobiles and the internet are
also
have
equal significance in the last century.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay The first chart below shows then umber of airline crew(pilots, stewards etc) needed to fly a passenger plane between Australia and a number of other countries. The second chart shows the number of passenger complaints per plane journey made on these route v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts